A Love Worth Waiting For

     There is the saying that "good things come to those that wait".  With most great things that I have experienced in my life, there was some waiting and preparation involved so that does not exclude the waiting process for Mr. Awesome to come into my life.  During my years as a single, there were so many times of uncertainty, frustration, and extreme disappointment.  I was fighting and fighting and fighting to understand love, but ended up bruised and confused. I felt that finding love just should not be that hard, because isn't that a quest that we are all after?  However, after much reflection, I am glad that I went through the period of waiting and preparation, because I ultimately learned to put some priorities in order which included loving God first and loving myself.  If Mr. Awesome and I had come into each others lives prior to when we did, then we would not have been as prepared for each other as we were.  I would not have been willing to love and respect him as a man needs to be respected and I would have let Miss Independent try to run the show (Yes, I was a hot mess at one point).

     It was during the time of living as a single and waiting on God's timing for a mate that I finally begin to learn what love was.  Although I studied the bible, someone introduced me to I Corinthians 13 and when I read it, I realized that what I thought was love being presented to me was not love at all.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails.


     Although it is only God who loves us perfectly, I learned that this was the template in which to know if it was true love that was being presented to me. . . . . . . . . So when Mr. Awesome stepped into the picture, I was blessed to recognize it for what it was.  It was truly a love worth waiting for.

Mother In Law Or Mother Out law???

      
     We have all heard the stories of the infamous Mother in-law.  She is usually the opinionated one who has no problem with letting her son in-law know that no matter how well he cares for her daughter, he will always have to prove himself worthy to sit at the dinner table. In other cases, she is the one who does not mind "helping" her daughter in-law by giving her unwanted tips on cleaning house the "right and proper" way, making meals the "right and proper" way, and caring for the family as only momma in-law can.  There are so many couples who deal with the foolishness that is called the Mother outlaw and some families have been broken because of the strain that this causes.  I was "fortunate" enough to have witnessed in-law crisis in my family as a child and prayed that when I got married, that it would be a more pleasant relationship. So when someone recently asked me if I had     in-laws or outlaws, I was glad to say that I have in-laws.

     When Mr. Awesome and I were getting serious and it was time to meet each other's parents, I must say that I was shaking in my boots at the thought of how the initial meetings would turn out.  When it was time to meet his mom, I wondered if I would be greeted by a blue-haired lady who would try to serve me a special concoction of "happy" juice that she brewed in her basement.  I wondered if she would give me a first glance and decide that I was not right for her son based on the shoes that I was wearing that day.  As the time got closer, I became more and more nervous as I did not know what to expect.  But I was thoroughly elated when I was received with open arms.  I must say that we got off to a great start and our relationship has grown nicely. And today, I can confidently say that I have a great, supportive, and loving mom in-law.  In fact, I have two which means I am doubly blessed.  With the love of my own mother and the love of two mom in-laws, I have more than I asked for.
    

That Time Of Year !!!

    Yes, it is that time of year when families are making plans for the holidays and pulling out family recipes to begin preparing for the many feasts that are coming up for the holidays.  In our household, it begins a bit early.  Although we have not established our family holiday traditions yet, one thing is clear,  our holiday season begins with birthdays.  Yes, all three of us share the same birthday month and I get the honors of starting off the celebrations.  Being the travel nut that I have become over the last several years, Mr. Awesome drove us to Washington, D.C. to enjoy a weekend that included a nice visit to a Jazz spot.  I must say that it made me smile when we visited, not only at the good time that we had but at the fact that it was here that we officially became a couple.  We even had the pleasure of visiting his former chief (now Senior Chief)  who was gracious enough to let us stay in her home during our initial visit.  Mr. Awesome made it a very nice birthday celebration to start things off.

     It was on yesterday that we celebrated my Bonus Daughter's birthday with a sleepover for some of her friends.  Hearing the young ladies laugh and giggle the whole time reminded me of my time as a teenager with friends over.  Now,  the finale is with Mr. Awesome's celebration that is shortly coming up.  I will not indulge into the details of his celebrations as of yet, because I don't want him to fully know what we have cooked up, but it shall be nice.

    Although having birthdays so close together (including many extended family members) makes things a little hectic, it is great to be able to spend a special time with those that you love.  Let the holidays begin!! 

   

Whose Turn Is It To Fold The Laundry??!!

   

     With marriage comes so many special moments.  There are those sweet moments when you are enjoying each other's company during Date Night.  There are the special times when you look into each other's eyes and don't need to say a word because you know what the other person is thinking. There are the cute moments when you call your spouse on the phone just to hear their voice. There are the special times when you get excited to hear their key turn the lock in the door as they come home from work........... And then, there are those times when someone needs to make a decision about who is going to finally fold that pile of laundry that has been sitting in the same pile for three days.

     As much  as I take pride in keeping things tidy around the house, folding laundry more than once or twice a week is not nearly as high on my priority list as much as the dishes or other chores are.  Mr. Awesome, on the other hand, seems to stay away from the dishes like the plague, but will win the race when it comes to getting clothes in the washing machine.  This leaves me wondering why would anyone need to do that many loads of laundry in one week when you can do it all on one day and it leaves him looking at me funny when I watch him skate around the dishes.  Although, it is not the most fun part of coming together, household chore sharing involves necessary compromises.  Is it anything that causes a serious debate? Absolutely not, but it does cause some frustrations. Coming from two different backgrounds of household chore sharing, we are in the process of coming up with a plan that works for us as a family.  And as I type this post, Mr. Awesome arrives in the room with an arm full of laundry to let me know that it is my turn again and I am looking for him to wash the breakfast dishes. :-)    

Our One Year Anniversary !!!

     It is official. We have been married a whole year!!! Glory to God for pouring his grace and favor out onto us.  As we come from our celebration on a cruise to the Bahamas, I can't help but smile when I reflect on our first year of marriage.  I woke up the other morning before Mr. Awesome and I looked at him sleeping and I smiled with the same fondness in my heart that I had the very first time that we shared our bed. I couldn't help but be thankful for the man that I have married.  With him I am constantly reminded of answered prayers and the fact that I've been blessed with someone who is so careful with my heart. 

     This year has been full of laughs, smiles, some frustrations, some adjustments, and some cries. We have experienced many loving feelings and some feelings of aggravation with each other.  We have experienced triumphs and some disappointments, but I must say that it has been a fun ride. It was no where close to being a perfect ride, but a fun one.  I have learned a lot (See Here ) and have gained more maturity in certain areas. As I think of the song that I walked down the aisle to on our wedding day, Golden by Chrisette Michelle, I can't help but think of how I would do it all again.  As we enter into our second year of marriage I say "I Do" again to the man who is the provider, protector, priest, lover, and wonderful companion whom my heart fully loves. With this, I send up a special prayer as we continue our journey:

                         Heavenly father:
                         It is with sincere thanksgiving that our marriage is lifted to you, because
                         it is through you that we are together.  I thank you for my husband, our
                         relationship, and marriage and pray that you get all of the glory from it.
                         I thank you for blessing us to reach our first year of marital bliss and for
                         keeping us through this year. Thank you for your continuous grace.
                         I pray for my husband as he follows your commands concerning being
                         a husband and that he will do it all to your glory.
                         I pray for myself as I follow your commands concerning being a wife
                         and it is my prayer that I be the helper that my husband needs and that I
                         will have a heart of submission even on the days that it may be challenging.
                         I pray for our household that it will continue to reflect your presence and
                         that we will be an example to others. Continue to keep our hearts and minds
                         steadfast on you as we enter into this second year of marriage. I pray for
                         strength and wisdom for us to take on what may come during this time.
                         I pray that our love and bond will get even stronger as time goes on.
                        Thank you for your continued love and protection.  We thank you and give
                         you glory. In Jesus name. Amen

A Letter To The Blushing Bride

   

      It is said that the first year of marriage is the hardest, but if that is true then I would expect to feel and look like someone who just came from the front line of a major war.  Although there are a few scrapes and bruises, I am thankful that the ending of our first year brings an even bigger smile across my face as I think of the vows that I made to Mr. Awesome nearly a year ago. As we near the end of our first year of wedded bliss, I can not help but reflect on this special time.  I often look at our wedding pictures hanging on our living room wall and look at that blushing couple who were all smiles as they united lives on that sacred day. Sometimes I think to myself and wonder what the One Year Old Bride of today would say to the One Day Old Bride on our wedding day.  If I could write a letter to myself on that day with the one year's worth of experience that I have now, I would say:

     Dear Blushing Bride:

          You are about to embark on an incredible journey with the man that you love as you join

          hands and lives in the sight of God.  Before you begin this first year of wedded bliss,

          there are a few things that you should know and take heed to.

     

       * As you look into the eyes of Mr. Awesome with a complete love that you can not describe,

          just know that the love that you feel will only be magnified.  You will fall more deeply in

         love with him than you are today.

      * Waiting to share yourselves with each physically, is SOOOOO worth it. ;-)

      * Unexpected challenges will already hit during this year, but you truly have a God- fearing

         man who is with you as you are with him.

      * Having an all-in-one companion, lover, friend, confidant, play buddy,  travel partner,

          Wii Connect challenger, Spades partner, and Uno adversary is so much fun.

      * You will have more fun with combining your lives together than you will have frustrations.

          So what, he leaves his electronic device wires hanging all over the place. So what, he finds

         it aggravating that you leave paper towel wads around after you have washed and dried

         your hands. Those things can easily be dealt with or ignored without making a big fuss.

         In this area, you two will do great. Don't sweat the small stuff.

      * The remains of Miss Independent will try to show up from time to time.  Although you

         have gotten accustomed to carrying her around for so many years, always remember that

         Mr. Awesome is doing the job that God has called him to do, so there is no room for her

         anymore.

      * Although you will try, you are not and will never be SUPERWOMAN. She is a fictional

         character who is able to bake the perfect buttered biscuit, wipe every single speck of dust

        from the coffee table, make sure that her husband's shirts look as crisp as the day that

        they came out of the package, make sure that the boss at work has the meeting minutes

        typed and passed out to everyone before 8:00 am, sees that the child gets to her

        sporting practices on time during the five days a week that she has practice,  cooks a

        three hour home cooked meal every night, all while looking like she just stepped off the

        cover of a high fashion magazine.  You are a human woman with a big heart and

        no one is expecting you to do all or any of these things. Do the best that you can and

        recharge when you need to.

      * Stepping into the role of Bonus mom when you have not had any children before will be

        your biggest challenge during this year. Not only are you trying to get comfortable with

        the role of being a wife, but you are trying to navigate the tricky road of learning to be

        a mom to a child that you have not had the pleasure of bonding with at an earlier age. 

       Trying to learn both roles at the same time will be tough. There will be times of smiles

       and there will be times when you will doubt everything that you are doing. If  I could

       give you one saving piece of advice, it would be: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT put

       more energy into being a Bonus Mom than you do into being a wife. Your

       husband is your priority and although you have the pleasure of positive influence in

       your Bonus child's life, she has a mother already. No matter what, mom is still mom. 

      Also, be patient with yourself and be patient with her as you both transition into these new

      roles.

     * Betty Crocker does not live here, so there is no need to try to keep up with her. You do not

        need to compare yourself to Betty, Martha White, or Martha Steward.  Just know that by

        the time you celebrate your first wedding anniversary, you will be comfortable  with

       cooking a whole holiday meal (except the dressing), and a tasty Pot Roast.

        Be patient with yourself as you learn your husband's specific taste buds and know that no

       one in your household will starve.

     * There will be one or two people who will not be happy that you are happy.  Do not waste

        time trying to accommodate their friendship while leaving a door open for them to try

        to pry their fingers into your marriage.  If they were not supportive of you before hand,

       they will not support you after you say 'I DO'.

     * Keep God first as you did during your courtship and he will see you through this year

       and years to come.

     Keep having fun and putting God first.

     Love, The Original Blushing Bride,

     Blushing Bride

What Does 'I Do' Really Mean??

     It was only a few months after our wedding day that one of my closest relatives asked me if Mr. Awesome and I were still married.  I was dumbfounded by that question and wondered why this person thought that we would not last up to our one year anniversary. I answered with a reassuring "Absolutely, I am still married. I Do means I Do".   As I thought more about that question, I realized that I couldn't be that offended by the question as the person who asked me had never been married and had unreasonable expectations for potential mates.  However, based on cultural standards, I know that he is not the only one who feels that way. Too many times we turn on television to see couples splitting and fighting over property that is apparently more important to them than the marriage.  I have even noticed billboard signs advertising divorce specials like it is a supermarket sale.  It is such a disgrace to see the newest trend of divorce parties.  It is sadly apparent that the sacredness of some marital vows is only as strong as the drink served at some wedding receptions; once the buzz wears off, then what?

     On our wedding day, I was so relaxed and calm as I said I Do to Mr. Awesome.  It was not only because I knew that Mr. Awesome is Mr God Sent, but because I had a peace knowing that God is with us. Even though there was a little comic relief when I said I Do at our wedding, I was serious in my heart.  With  I Do, I knew that everything and everyday would not always be delightful and rosey as it was on the day that we joined our lives together, but I Do know that God is able to get us through those not so nice days.  He already has.  When I made my promise to Mr. Awesome and God, I knew that Satan would throw many curve balls our way, because he hates marriage and he hates the fact that we try to keep our relationship God-centered, however, I Do know that God will give us the strength that we need to conquer those obstacles.  When I said I Do, I knew that there would be days that I would need the intervention of God to humble my heart when I find it challenging to be the wife that I need to be, but I Do know that God will work on my heart as he has done before. When I said I Do, I also knew that meant saying yes to the days when I look at my husband with starry eyes and to those days when we are rattling each other's nerves.  When I said I Do, I knew that meant that we would have lots of things to celebrate and lots of challenges to overcome as we have already experienced some of these things.  But one of the things that I Do means to me is the fact that I have a great husband who reminds me that he was serious about his I Do. I know that we have a lot more growing together and a lot more to experience as we live out our I Do, but with God we will be able to keep our covenant as sacred as the day that we entered into it. . . . . . . . . Stay tuned for Mr. Awesome's thoughts on I Do. ...............................................

Love and Respect (Part I)

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5:33

     On our first date weekend, Mr. Awesome and I were sitting at a table in a restaurant near a family who was having a very interesting conversation. The family consisted of a wife, a husband, and a young son and the wife sat on one side of the table while the husband and son sat on the other side.  While we were waiting for our food to arrive, we could not help but notice the tension that was at the table as they were having this conversation, or shall I say "as she was having this conversation".  We noticed that the more the wife talked/ scolded, the more the husband slouched in his seat as if she was slowly stripping away any morsel of dignity that he might have had.  I don't remember him getting a word in as she spoke to him in a condescending manner and at a certain point it seemed as if the son had more dignity than he did.  I felt sorry for the husband as I wondered what would posses her to speak less than honorable to him, let alone in front of the son. Honestly, I don't know what happened as to why she felt the need to speak to him in that way, but I started to reflect on what I had learned about the primary needs of men and women, which are Love and Respect, and he was clearly not getting his Respect.

     One of the things that I learned while preparing for marriage (and even now) is that a woman's great need is to be loved and a man's great need is to be respected.  Although, it is important to have both love and respect for both partners, respect weighs more heavily for the husband as love weighs more heavily for the wife.  I do try my best to make sure that I respect my husband, not only to please God and him, but to show an example for my Bonus Daughter when she becomes older and marries.  Am I perfect at it? No. But I do strive and pray that I will respect him in the way that he needs. However, I must admit that the definition of Respect is relatively broad and can cause a bit of confusion for me.  I have learned, though,  that some of the ways that one can respect one's husband is to regard him, notice him, honor him, prefer him, loves him, admire him, and defer him.

     Right now, Mr. Awesome and I have a book that we are planning to read together (thanks to our Pre-Marital counselor) entitled Love And Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and I am anticipating learning what it has to say concerning this topic. I can definitely say that Mr. Awesome is doing great at loving me and I am so thankful that I have a hubby who is just as dedicated to enhancing our relationship as I am...........................As far as that wife at that restaurant, I don't know what she had been through in her life, but I sure hope that she got a glimpse into the world of Love and Respect. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Stay tuned for Part II as we read the book.

Love Letter To Hubby

Dear Mr. Awesome:

     I know that I have told you on numerous occasions, but I must say it again.  I am so thankful to God who answered my prayers for putting us together. MANY prayers later and he blessed me with more than I even asked for on my list. I just want to say thank you for being the husband that you are to me. Thank you for being all of those things that a husband should be: the priest, protector, and provider of our home.  Thank you for being the source of support that I have counted on during the times of laughter and the times of tears. Thank you for the patience that you have displayed as I have a personal funeral for the remains of Miss Independent.  Thanks for being the one that I have counted on to share in my triumphs and for being the one that I have cried on when I had heart breaking disappointments.  Thanks or putting up with my quirks as I put up with yours. Thanks for showing such transparency with me and letting me know that we are a team. I am so thankful to have you to share dreams with and work towards them together. Although, life has already thrown us a few curve balls, I am thankful to have you to duck and dodge them with. This list does not fully represent all of the ways that I am thankful for you, but I'm doubly glad to have you in my life.

Love,

Amanda

What's In A Name?

" Should I keep my original last name? Should I hyphenate my last name? Should I turn my original last name into my new middle name while adding his last name? What about my degree, certificates, and professional license that has my original name on it? What about the feminist view that says that taking my husband's last name is a sign of his ownership of me? Wouldn't it be disrespectful to my father if I should shed my last name for a new one? "


     There are many arguments about the changing of the new wife's last name to that of her husband, but it was never a question for me if I would change it. Although it is more tradition than biblical, I always knew that when I got married I would take the last name of my husband and relinquish my original last name. To me taking my husband's last name is in no way showing a form of his ownership of me or a disrespect of my father, but is a showing of my willingness to be under my husband's Godly leadership of our home. For me it shows a form of the unity that we are continuously building as a couple, because a name is only a drop in the bucket of things that you need to be unified on. The changing of the last name shows how important our covenant with each other is to me. It far outweighs the process that it is taking to change my last name legally and the process of proving that I am the person named on my college degree and professional license. I am honored to take the last name of such an awesome husband. Besides, with this new last name, alphabetically, I do not have to wait in line as long as I use to. :-)

Being A Bonus Mom

     Since the Mother's Day holiday, I was hit with a myriad of emotions that made me explore my feelings concerning my new role as a Bonus Mom. The first one was an EXTREME appreciation for my own mother and the sacrifices that she made over the years to make sure that my brother and I were taken care of.  Of course, our childhood was not perfect and even now my relationship with my Mom is sometimes strained,  but I can still say that both of my parents were there full time and my mother was a source of support through the good and the not so good. Another emotion that I was dealing with is the overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that has come with becoming a bonus mom to my bonus daughter (the term "step" is not used in our home). In the very beginning of my journey, I had all of these grand ideas and visions about how I would come in and be this super bonus mom and that our transition would take little effort.  After all, God had brought Mr. Awesome and I together, so I thought that this new role as a bonus mom would be just a majestic.   I already knew that there were going to be a few challenges, as I was coming into the life of a child who was already established. The fact that I had not experienced motherhood myself made me nervous, but I had high hopes that what I had to bring to the table would make all defenses melt away.  Fast forwarding this story will tell you that there have been a lot of challenges with the transitioning into becoming a Bonus Mom, and in a lot of ways it has caused me to question my own ability to be a good mother to any future children that we would like to have. There have been assumptions that I should already know how to handle certain things as a new Bonus Mother to a young teenager who has had a life before I arrived and it has brought on a great sense of pressure that makes me question all of the things that I had bent over backwards to do. Perhaps, I have bent over backwards and worked too hard to try to prove that I could be all that I was expected to be and that I could accomplish all of the self-imposed  goals just to find out the hard way that I was not able to do.  In fact, the pressure and discomfort that I was feeling was partially from the fact that I was striving to be what I thought that I was supposed to, while sporting this impossible facade.  I was not being myself and was trying desperately to find my identity as a Bonus Mom.   Wow.    Then I started to wonder where was this golden book on being a Bonus Mom?   I began to watch others as they were rearing their children, because I was in a hurry trying to catch up when I was already thirteen years behind.

      It was during the Mother's Day weekend that the realities of being a Bonus Mom hit me hard. All of the questions and uncertainty that I have had while I try to get acclimated to my new role, I was forced to feel. I am at the point of releasing my new role to the Lord and letting him guide me through this journey. I am now realizing that all I can do is to be myself and use what God has equipped me with to be the role model and caregiver that I can be to my Bonus Daughter.  I know that this process will have its highs and lows, but I am thankful that my Bonus Daughter is a well rounded young lady and I am doubly thankful that Mr. Awesome has been the rock as we go through this transition.

Miss Independent

    Degree? Check....... Apartment on the lake in the city? Check....... Sports Coupe in the color that I wanted? Check....... Ability to take trips at the drop of a hat? Check.......Ability to take care of things for myself? Check....... Ability to supply my closet with shoes and purses on my own dime? Check....... Ability to change the oil in the car that I paid for? Well not quite, but I sure can pay someone to do it....... Yes, Miss Independent was in full swing and was looking cute while doing it. I had whole heartedly bought into the feminist notion that said that I can do it ALL by myself for myself.  However, there is one thing that I found out while being Miss Independent and that was that you end up just that, Independent. The fact of the matter is that Miss Independent is only cute on the outside, but on the inside there is a different story.  There was this constant struggle trying to figure out why I had all of this stuff in a lifestyle that many encouraged me to keep up, but felt a serious lack of balance.   Why did I only feel half-way content with being the sister-girl who is praised in many songs and is glorified in different secular sitcoms?  The fact of the matter is we have been given a skewed worldly standard to follow.  If we dare to be honest, the world is lying to many women about what a woman should be and the notion that you should be all things to yourself and prove that you can even perform a man's role better than he is just false. Now I am not saying that acquiring some formal education or being successful in the career world is not good , but it is unhealthy when we follow the need to reject our femininity to accomplish it.  When we examine the biblical role of womanhood, there is nothing there that says you are an entity unto yourself and it praises the woman who has learned how to be embrace her God given role without rejecting it as the world would have you to do.  

     On top of buying into the world's definition of womanhood, I let my fear of ending up in a dependent relationship like the one that I saw as a child cause me to turn against relying on someone. With this, I went overboard with my independence and went as far as to refuse to ask for help when I did not have much food during my college years. A few years before Mr. Awesome and I got together, I started going through a transformation when I realized that being Miss Independent was not God's design for womanhood.  Through a series of life's lesson's, Miss Independent was being challenged and I know at this time that God was preparing me for marriage.  As much as I had bought into the Miss Independent idea, I had to be honest about my desire for a Godly gentleman who knew how to lead, provide, and be the head of our home.  In order for me to get prepared, I needed to experience a few things that would help me to shed my flawed behaviors and thinking.  If I had married during the time that Miss Independent was in full swing, it would have been a disastrous situation . After a great deal of my transformation took place, that is when Mr. Awesome showed up. Although I was still accustomed to doing things on my own when he came around, I was very open to letting him be the man and be the great leader that God has called him to be.  I had learned to relax and let him take the lead and I am so glad that I had the time to go through the transformation that helped me to get to this point. Although there are times when the Miss will try to seep back in, I am so thankful to have a hubby who is patient through the remainder of the process. All I know is that the things that I could do as Miss Independent are nothing compared to what I can do with my wonderful hubby.

Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

     I was never one of those girls who had her wedding planned out by the age of ten and since I was never in a wedding until I was an adult in my cousin's wedding, my experience was very limited. I always knew that I wanted something nice, but wanted to focus more on the reason why a wedding was being held in the first place and that is why I didn't collect bridal magazines and peak into wedding shops until it was time. So after the proposal,   Mr. Awesome left most of the details up to me and my optimistic and naive self went to work on planning this wedding that I was determined was going to be "simple" and nice. Everyone was going to be happy to celebrate with us and support us without imposing any confusion. Yep.  After we came up with the budget , everything else was going to fall into place.  It was just going to be that simple.

      Between finding out the hefty price tags of the various venues and hearing of the different requests that we "needed" to meet in order for someone else to be comfortable at our wedding, I was becoming overwhelmed fast.  I know that weddings are not only a special time for the bride and groom, but also for each of the families.  However when all of the requests started rolling in, it was starting to look like we were just going to be the bride and groom at someone else's major film production. I never understood why we were being asked to order the most expensive meal on the menu when the wedding was being solely funded by Mr. Awesome and I.  To this day, I still don't understand why someone told me that we would regret it if we did not register for gifts when between Mr. Awesome and I, we had enough kitchen utensils and blankets. I am still baffled as to why the wedding was deemed to be unconventional because we decided not to have ring bearers that probably couldn't care less about dragging a floppy pillow down the aisle. Somehow, someone made it seem as if our marriage would not start off right unless we ordered a china pattern. A china pattern?! How does our use of candles instead of flowers for table centerpieces affect your personal well-being?  Why should there be an argument about one particular song not showing up on the play list because it is one of your personal favorites? How is it inconsiderate that the wedding was scheduled at a time of day that you would not have picked for the wedding that you did NOT plan? How did our wedding date selection become something that we needed to consult your personal calendar for?  My focus was quickly shifting from the reason that we were having the wedding in the first place and was moving toward trying to accommodate everyone else's desires. I was trying my best to enjoy the process, but was having a hard time with that. Most people were probably well meaning, but did not know how much stress their two cents was causing and I was getting more and more stressed as I realized that I could not meet all of the expectations. On top of the planning, I had just made a major move, changed jobs, changed churches, left some familiar friends and territory and was trying to adjust to it all at one time, while planning the wedding from out of state. Whew.  Don't get me wrong, there were some absolutely fun times with planning the wedding, but the process was nothing I was prepared for, even after receiving advice from other brides who had recently conquered the planning.  I must say that one of the most peaceful and fun parts was the dress shopping. Ironically enough, I found THE DRESS on a chance visit to a bridal shop that I was just browsing through on my way to another shop. To share that moment with others was a true delight, and one of the most joyous parts of the wedding planning.

     The last few weeks before the wedding were so stressful that I begged Mr. Awesome to elope at our honeymoon spot.  Our honeymoon spot was a secret kept from me, but all I knew was that I just wanted to get there and unite with the love of my life in a peaceful and lovely way. Forget the deposits, the flower arrangements, the wretched guest list, the grueling menu. That was my attitude about it, but deep down I knew that there would be regrets it if we did not have the ceremony that we really wanted. We did press through the trenches that lasted up through the rehearsal the night before the wedding, and sadly a 14 year friendship with my Matron of Honor finally unraveled the night before our wedding.  I needed to get refocused and I prayed before I went to bed. After much prayer, it happened.  I woke up very early on the morning of September 3rd and I had a peace that could have only come from above. My heart was full of joy knowing that I was marrying the love of my life.  I got up to get ready to unite with Mr. Awesome and I knew that no matter what happened that day, everything was going to be OK. If the cake did not arrive on time, or if my hair did not turn out right, or if some of our guests complained about the food that we worked hard to pay for,  it was going to be OK. I didn't spend years praying for the perfect wedding, I prayed for a wonderful mate and that is what God gave me. In the end the wedding turned out to be wonderful and worth the pain that it took to plan it, but the best part was when we said 'I do'.

How Our Engagement Helped Prepare Me For Our Marriage (Part II)

Check out Part I to see what I learned during our engagement.

  * Keeping God First Is The Only Option. This should have been at the top of the list and is our priority. My husband and I are believers of Christ and believe through him we came together as a couple. It is also through him that we are able to withstand storms that are an inevitable part of life including those in relationships. One of the most memorable illustrations that was learned in pre-marital counseling was that of the triangle in which God is the head and we are connected on the other ends of the complete triangle.

  * Communicate. This was and is one of the best pieces of advice that I am thankful to have received before our wedding. Communicate with each other. We actually started our relationship with constant communication over the phone until we officially began our courtship and it was during this time that we got to know a lot about each other. For the majority of our courtship, we were long distance with lots of plane trips in between and communication was one of the important factors that kept us together. The importance of it became more prevalent as we got closer to our wedding and now that we are post wedding, it is something that keeps us on the same page. Now, there are times when we have miscommunication and have had an unnecessary disagreement, but that is a part of the work that we are doing to make sure that we stay on the same page. I am so glad that Mr. Awesome is always trying to make sure we are on the same page.

* Love Languages. Before and during our pre-marital counseling sessions, we read a book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages. In the book we learned how each other receives love. In Mr. Awesome's case, I learned that his primary love language is Words of Affirmation. and that is how he receives love. My primary love language on the other hand is Physical Touch. If I were to show him love in my primary language, then I may get offended when he does not interpret it as I would and vice versa. There are times when I slip and want to show him in the way that I receive love. One good thing is that among our top three, we do share the same love language of Quality Time. I love spending quality time with him.

These are some of the things that I learned along the way to help me in my transition into marriage and they have been beneficial . I know that I am still growing, but I am enjoying the ride.

How Our Engagement Help Prepare Me For Marriage (Part I)

     
     It was September 24, 2010, a beautiful, crisp summer day. The sun was smiling at us, the birds were chirping a special love song , the heart shaped clouds were graciously dancing across the sky, and Mr. Awesome had just proposed to me in the airport lobby. He knew that I loved public displays of affection and proposed in a way that touched my heart. Our love had been taken to another level and I was on Cloud Eleven, because Cloud Nine could not hold me. After days of smiles that stretched our cheek muscles, it was time to enjoy our engagement and plan the wedding that would celebrate our union. This was a great time, but it was also a time that I was challenged the most. I must say that I was not expecting all of the things that would come during this time of engagement, but I now know that they were necessary in order to truly prepare us to begin our lives together. Here are some of the things that I learned during this special period of our lives.

* Leaving and Cleaving really begins after you are engaged. Genesis 2:24 states "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." I always knew this verse, but never really had to exercise this until after the engagement. Sure, I had left my parents home when I was seventeen to go to college and have lived away from my hometown for over ten years, but I never realized that leaving and cleaving meant more than the physical distance and the financial freedom that I had for those years. It also meant a reprioritizing detachment from my family of origin in order to start my new primary family as well as getting into the family that I was marrying into. I did not know that the process would be as emotional for me as it was, but it was a necessary part of the transition as I turned my allegiance to my hubby-to-be. So many marriages are ruined, because someone did not leave and cleave. During this time, I no longer had as much time to talk to my family on the phone, nor was I as available to hang out with some friends as much as I once did. Some people understood what was happening and some were upset. Although, I value and love my family and friends deeply, my number one priority outside of God is my new family. There is no neglect for my family and friends, but the time and access are more limited.

* Going from "Me" to "We" helps you to prepare for becoming a team. This was definitely a time when my transition to being married took root. After, we courted long distance for the majority of our relationship, I figured it was time to move to the same city (no cohabitation) with Mr. Awesome before our wedding. This really helped us to continue our transition and this was definitely a time where we did things and made major decisions as a team concerning everything from the wedding to what goals we had for our marriage, things that we do even more so now. This was also a bit of a challenge for me, because I was accustomed to doing things according to my own system without consulting others and this was a time of trying to create a new system that would work for both of us. And now that we are married, I see how important it is to be a team as we meld our family together. There are times when it gets challenging, but is still rewarding.

* It is EXTREMELY important to watch who you let near your relationship. This was a tough and big lesson to learn. Not everyone likes to see you happy and will use whatever means that they have to rain on your parade.  I experienced a couple of tests concerning this during our engagement, but knew that our union was worth fighting for and protecting. Some access doors needed to be shut to our relationship during the engagement and during our marriage. On the other hand, there were those who poured positivity and blessings into our union and I am so thankful for those people and couples and look to those for further encouragement now that we are married.

Stay Tuned For Part II on Thursday.

Mars and Venus Together

   
 Sometime before Mr. Awesome and I began our courtship, I read a clever book by John Gray called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. This book was such a blessing to me as it put so many things into perspective as far as the misunderstood differences between men and women. The fact of the matter is men and women are wired differently and when I came upon that concept, it relieved me of a lot of frustrations that I had with trying to understand why males did things in a way that I thought was dumb. Although, I will never understand the full perspective of men, I can appreciate it more and I know that it is a part of God's design that makes men and women complimentary to each other. This book also addresses the intricate details of the wiring of women and it helped me to understand myself better. Ladies, if we are honest, we don't always understand the many aspects of our emotional being so I can only imagine why men get lost in the shuffle of some of our whacky ways.
      As I revisit the content of the book, it makes me laugh as I witness the inherent differences between Mr. Awesome and I.  For example, I know that it can be hard to believe, but I can be a bit of a chatter box and when I am stressed or something is bothering me, the natural thing for me to do is to TALK about it. Most of the times after I talk about it, I feel alot better. However, there are times when I need a solution to the issue at hand and in a lot of cases Mr. Awesome will ask if I need for him to just lend an ear or to offer a solution. I am glad that he has that concept down, as foreign as that may be to him. In contrast, he does not sit down and have a 1,000 word conversation about an issue while pouring out feelings.  He discusses it, gets to the point, and moves on to the next topic.  I usually need to sit there a little while longer just to say a few more words so that I can meet my 1,000 word quota. Another example is that I find it amazing that Mr. Awesome does not need (or care to have) nearly as many details about things as I do.  He has left the house decorating totally up to me, and although I am not complaining about that, I do see him getting flustered when I begin to share intricate details such as the color curtains I would like to put up. He says to leave the details out and to just let him know when to put the curtain rod up. That is one of the differences as he is goal oriented and I am into the details that are needed along the way to the goal. Although the differences can make understanding each other a challenge at times, it is those differences that work together for a greater purpose.  In the bible it lays out men and women's primary needs when it commands husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. God did design us to be different, but to fit together for his purpose. I am thankful that Mr. Awesome is my great fit :-).

The Three Of Us

     On the day that I became a wife to Mr. Awesome, I also became something else profound, a new mom. A splitting image of her dad, she gave me the biggest smile and hug when I first met her, Kiana. I was hooked from the beginning. However, my life was hardly graced by children, so my lack of experience made me nervous about taking on such an important role in her young life. I often wondered about my ability to be what she would need when her life was already established and I imagine that she was just as nervous about me. It didn't take me long to realize that this young lady ,whose intelligence surpasses her age, was going to make the transition not as scary as I had anticipated.

      I can say that I am amazed when watching her and feel so thankful that she has opened her arms. Although there are times when I wonder if I am doing or saying the right thing, I believe that God has graced us with each other for a reason and I am glad to be able to be here during such an important time in life. I really couldn't have asked for  better and feel blessed as I experience being a first time mom. With her magnetic personality, respectful demeanor, and maturity, it has been a joy and I quickly found out why Mr. Awesome is so proud of her.

      On the day of our wedding, I had a few words that I wanted to say as a vow to her, but the wedding coordinator got crossed signals and omitted it out of the program. Although they were accidentally omitted on that day, they are still true:

"Kiana, I want you to know that I dearly love your father. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful man with me, so will I share the love I feel for him with both of you. Together, we will learn much more about each other.
I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your dad, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be mother and friend, and I will cherish my life with both of you. On this day when I marry your dad, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own. I love you very much"

I do wish that I could have spoken those words on that day to show how I feel, but I did let her know. As time goes on and we continue to transition, I am very thankful that I have her in my life and plan to use what I have to enrich her life . I am glad that the brightness of her personality and the values instilled in her from Mr. Awesome and others who have positively influenced and loved her have produced such a bright person. I know that I will make mistakes along the way and that everything won't always be easy, but if it will be anything like it is now, then we will have a good time.

The Purpose In Waiting

He doesn't know this, but a lot of times I will look at my husband while he is resting and say a silent prayer of thanks for him. As I lay there, I thank God that I have someone so wonderful to share my life with and to go through the trenches with. As I marvel in this thought, I remember the times that I doubted that this would ever happen. I remember the years of prayers and the times that it seemed like God had turned a deaf ear to my prayers concerning a Godly husband. With such imposters out there, it was becoming increasingly frustrating to even imagine that some good would come from this. Waiting. I was getting weary of it. There were times that I had even become self righteous as I looked at what I thought were happy relationships being born out of every sin in the book and I began to wonder why was I trying to do what was biblically correct.  Was I the perfect human being? No, but I still wondered how was doing things this way paying off when it appeared that others were doing what was societally acceptable and were getting what they wanted in a hurry.   I know that my vision was a bit skewed, but my faith was being tested to a great degree. I must admit that there were times when I wanted to throw my hands up and do what was "normal". Lord, I love you, but this way is too tough.

      I look at the years of waiting for Mr. Right to come along and now I see that, even when I felt like it was a waste of time, there was a purpose and it was a purpose far greater than what I could imagine. I thought that I was ready, but God did not let it happen before time because he knew that I had much work to do. As painful as some of the lessons were, they helped to chisel away some of the junk that I was holding onto that would have hindered me in a lot of ways. That song Bag Lady was made for me because I had some bags. Despite my impatience, I was busy with growing during the waiting time and now I know that if Mr. Awesome had come any sooner, I would not have been ready. I remember getting frustrated because I felt that it was hard just getting to the "girlfriend" part of a relationship and I began to wonder how would I do being a wife. I now realize that in the waiting period, all of the experiences, disappointments, and frustrations were an aide to help me to grow into the type of person that I needed to become which was not just some girlfriend, but a wife. Although times of it were unpleasant, I am glad that I did go through and I know that God was answering my prayer the whole time. I learned a lot about myself and relationships through the process and now my growing time is that of becoming even more of a Godly wife and that is a prayer that I keep lifted.  For now, I will just keep saying that silent prayer of thank you for my hubby.

The Big Dog Of The House

     A couple of years ago, I brought home the cutest ten week old, soft, cuddly, black and white miniature Schnauzer puppy. Outside of the potty training phase and the loss of some chewed up flip flop shoes that I loved, he was a joy to have around and started showing dominance as the "male" of the house, so I named him Prince. If anyone knocked at the door, I did not have to worry, because he was going to let me know and warn the person on the other end that he was there and was ready to protect the house with all ten pounds of his being. He became territorial and had to give people that visited a seal of approval which did not happen that often and at that point I would put him in his kennel to keep him from barking. When he met Mr. Awesome, he immediately put down his guard dog stance as if to say that this person is good people. I had never seen him act so calm as he took to Mr. Awesome very quickly. However, as our courtship progressed, Prince started showing signs of doggy jealousy when Mr. Awesome would come around as if his position was threatened. What position, Prince? You are a puppy.

 

 

     Now, that Mr. Awesome and I are married, Prince has calmed down a little, but still barks at hubby when he comes down the stairs, or talks, or moves. OK, maybe he needs a little more work, but as soon as hubby pulls out a treat, he instantly becomes best friends with him again. That is until he has finished eating the treat. Hubby doesn't believe that the doggy likes him, but I am convinced that he does and as time goes and more treats come out he will be his best friend again. :-)

Becoming Betty Crocker

 I grew up at home where my mom did some good cooking and whenever we had a potluck somewhere, her food was on the top of the request list. My dad cooked from time to time also, but it was mom's cooking that kept us a little plump. I was encouraged to get in the kitchen and watch her, but it was never really as consistent as it could have been. After I left home for college, I would cook occasionally for my roommates or company that we may have had. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food, but I guess being in college you were just happy to get something that did not include Ramen noodles. After graduation, I lived the single life for a while, where cooking was an option. Since there was no one to feed but me, sometimes I would cook or just grab something from my favorite Chinese restaurant down the street. I realize now that it was from the grab-n-go menu that I ate most of my meals .  I wasn't serious about cooking until I got engaged. That is when I became a little frustrated with myself, because I realized that I had wasted years on take-out when I could have been perfecting my cooking skills. I needed to get more acquainted with the kitchen and I needed to do it quick.

When I made my first meal for Mr. Awesome during our courtship, everything that I thought that I could cook well turned out to be an embarrassing mess. I couldn't believe how the things that I had previously cooked decently looked like something from a kid's play kitchen. I was becoming nervous thinking that he was going to wonder if we were going to live a life of malnourishment. He was very nice about the whole thing though. I must say that from then I have gotten a lot more practice and have perfected some of those and other dishes. Before Mr. Awesome and I got married, I remember him comforting me during one of my "trial" meals saying that he was not marrying because of my cooking skills, but because of me.:-) I must say that some dishes have become second nature to me and others are still a work in progress.  Speaking to other new brides, I understand that this is all a part of the progress and I am on my way. I am very thankful to God that my hubby cooks a mean dish himself and is patient as we learn new recipes together. I am definitely on the hunt for new ideas, please share them in the comments below. :-)

Valentine's Day Love Letter To Hubby

Dearest Mr. Awesome:



     Who would have known in high school that I would call you my hubby someday?  Who would have believed that the quiet girl and the comedian would get together and make such a great connection? Thank God for his awesome power and I am glad that he brought us together.  My life was great before but I did not know how much I needed you in it until you came back into it.  I didn't know how much I was missing until you came through the door and now I don't know how I would do without you. The way you inspire me, desire me, protect me, connect with me has touched my soul in a way that is hard to describe. Your support and your laughter are things that has helped me to get through some of life's challenges. Your diligence and strong character makes me feel safe knowing that you have my back. The way that you show chivalry shames even some of the most seasoned "gentlemen" but let's me know that being a lady is still desirable. The way that you rise morning after morning to make sure that we are provided for is one of the many things that gives me a sense of security and makes me proud to say that my man is taking care of business. Your selflessness is something that I admire and it inspires me to become more that way. Your playfulness and ability to make me (and others) laugh is one of the reasons that many notice that I smile more these days.  I love knowing that I have someone so awesome to go through life's hills and valleys with. There are so many more reasons why having you in my life touches me, but for now I am just glad to call you my confidant, my love, my great lover ;-), my protector,  my friend, my husband. I love you more than I can express, I need you,  and I thank God for you. Happy Valentine's Day, Honey!!!

Love Always,

Amanda

Submit? Who Me?!

Ephesians 5:21- Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ

Ephesians 5:22- Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord   

Ephesians 5:25- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her



    It was several years ago that I had an unhealthy view of the concept of submission. SUBMIT?! Who, me?! It was almost like a four letter word to me. In my childhood upbringing, I saw submission used as a way to partially control another and I turned bitter against it. I wondered why would God have women become doormats for those that are suppose to love us the most. I knew then, that if that was what submission looked like, then I did not want any part of it. Fortunately, my poisoned views about it were challenged when I became exposed to more positive examples of submission during my time in Houston. Between what I witnessed at church and through some of the people that I met, my perception of it began to change.   I started to study it more in depth in the bible and my understanding of it became more clear. Submission is in God's design for marriage and it is a beautiful thing if done according to how he instructed it.

      A lot of the myths that I had about submission needed to be debunked before I was even ready to consider marriage and although I did not like it at the time, I am glad that I had the time to work through it.   I am still learning along the way, but I am glad that I have a more accurate view of what it is and the great purpose of it.  Through my personal experiences and Pre-marital counseling, here are some of the vital things that I have learned about submission:

* Submission is done Voluntarily. Your spouse is not to force you to submit. It is God's design for the wife to submit to the husband's Godly leadership voluntarily. This is not the same thing as obey.

* Submission in marriage is an example of God's relationship and love for the church.

*Wive's have the main commands from God to submit and respect. The husband has a much more extensive list of commands and responsibilities. They have to be willing to lay down their lives for us and that sounds like a heavier load to carry to me.

* The submission model that God set forth does not make you an inferior or mindless individual, but allows you the ability to fulfill your special role.

* Ephesians 5:21 "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." There is a mutual submission.

      Submission is such a taboo word to many due to the misconception that has been presented by some faulty preaching and the rampant feminist movement of our society. It will have you to think that in order to be a submissive wife, you must lay down in front of the door and become a doormat, when that is not what it means. In fact the husband's commanded role would never allow for that. Even as newlyweds, submission at times has been a little challenging for me, but I am glad to have a husband who makes it sooo easy for me. With his life being submitted to God, how can I not submit to him as unto the Lord?

       

The Proposal

    The day that I got engaged to Mr. Awesome (September 24, 2010) was one of the most happiest days. The array of emotions that I felt that day are very hard to put into words, but I know that I was beyond ecstatic. My prayers had been answered. I was on my way to marrying the man of my dreams and living life with him (Check out our Story. ) To tell the story of the proposal, my hubby is going to give his version of events. Welcome Mr. Awesome {applause}.

His Story: 

My wife likes to tell the story differently from the way it actually happened, so here is the truth about our proposal.  The planning for the proposal started 2 weeks in advance.  I had been thinking for some time that I knew this was the woman for the rest of my life.  I grew up with respect and wanted to convey this to her family, so I asked her Mother and her Brother for her hand in Marriage.  Her father passed when she was in college, so her younger Brother was someone whom she respected in a father figure way.  I contacted her Mother first and she was elated.  Her brother was more excited than I had ever seen him.  He of course agreed.  Then I told my parents of what was to come.  They were all happy and every one of them knew that it was to happen.  I had a few more days in Fort Dix, New Jersey (Army training before Afghanistan) and I was trying to get a ring in time for her arrival to Newport News, VA in a few days.  I arrived to Virginia two days before she did and I had to get the plan in action.  The first thing is outfit.  I went to Burlington Coat factory so I could get a respectable set of threads before she arrived the next day.  Then on to the ring…  I called up her Best Friend in order to ensure that my memory was correct.  The ring was described to me by Amanda several months before during our courtship.  The diamonds were to be Princess Cut, and 3 in total.  I went to Jared (cliché’ I know), and spent 3 hours searching for the perfect ring.  Guess what? I forgot the ring size.  So I had to make another call to Chantae’ (Men if you are reading this, being friends with her friends is not always a bad thing).  Tae came through, yet again, and I ordered the ring, but it was to be done 1 hour before she arrived.  It is almost an hour trip from The Beach to Newport News Airport (cutting it close of course).  The day had arrived.  I got freshened up and drove to get the ring.  No problems so far and none until I remembered a request that I promised would happen.  Tae wanted to be on the phone when the proposal happened and since she had been asked for Amanda’s hand in marriage as well, I felt that it would be no problem.  I arrived to the airport with a few minutes to spare and called Tae.  She was at work and was happy to be on the phone.  Then I called Amanda to see if she had arrived.  Her flight hadn’t arrived yet.  She called me moments later and I told Tae I would call her back.  Then I answered the phone to Amanda and hung up.  I called Tae and then Amanda back on 3-way.  I told Tae to be quiet first, and then Amanda answered the phone.  Amanda had apparently taken the scenic route and was not out of the terminal yet.  My nervousness was already at an all time high, and it skyrocketed when the noise began on Tae’s phone was noticed by Amanda.  When Amanda asked if I had heard it, I hung up in her face.  I called Tae back and told her to put her phone on mute.  Then I called Amanda back and she thought that we had been disconnected.  I could see her coming down the walkway and I got even more nervous.  She saw me and hung up her phone.  I kept mine on and in my pocket.  I told Tae here we go and hugged Amanda.  I immediately dropped to one knee and began my speech.  I told her, “I told you a long time ago that courtship ends in two ways, marriage or friendship.  I am choosing marriage, will you marry me?”  I was about to laugh, because firstly I know how much she loves public displays of affection.  Add to that as soon as I dropped to one knee, she continued to question me as if she didn’t know what was going on with the same repetitive word…  What?  What?  What?  Multiply that by the fact that she was rocking side to side like Martin Lawrence and hopping at the same time, while in her high pitched laughing voice (if you have ever made her truly laugh, you have heard it before).  I finished my speech and continued to wait on bended knee as she began to cry.  I reminded her that she hadn’t answered the question.  Then she started with the, Are you serious?  Are you serious?  I said, “Baby, you still haven’t answered the question.”  Which was followed by a Yes, with quick jumping up and down (if you have been to church, you have seen it before).  After she calmed down I told her that someone wants to talk to you.  When she got on the phone, she and Tae had a quick conversation where Tae told her that, she told her that she can keep a secret.  She then contacted her mother and after them both cried together, she found out that her mother knew as well.