He doesn't know this, but a lot of times I will look at my husband while he is resting and say a silent prayer of thanks for him. As I lay there, I thank God that I have someone so wonderful to share my life with and to go through the trenches with. As I marvel in this thought, I remember the times that I doubted that this would ever happen. I remember the years of prayers and the times that it seemed like God had turned a deaf ear to my prayers concerning a Godly husband. With such imposters out there, it was becoming increasingly frustrating to even imagine that some good would come from this. Waiting. I was getting weary of it. There were times that I had even become self righteous as I looked at what I thought were happy relationships being born out of every sin in the book and I began to wonder why was I trying to do what was biblically correct. Was I the perfect human being? No, but I still wondered how was doing things this way paying off when it appeared that others were doing what was societally acceptable and were getting what they wanted in a hurry. I know that my vision was a bit skewed, but my faith was being tested to a great degree. I must admit that there were times when I wanted to throw my hands up and do what was "normal". Lord, I love you, but this way is too tough.
I look at the years of waiting for Mr. Right to come along and now I see that, even when I felt like it was a waste of time, there was a purpose and it was a purpose far greater than what I could imagine. I thought that I was ready, but God did not let it happen before time because he knew that I had much work to do. As painful as some of the lessons were, they helped to chisel away some of the junk that I was holding onto that would have hindered me in a lot of ways. That song Bag Lady was made for me because I had some bags. Despite my impatience, I was busy with growing during the waiting time and now I know that if Mr. Awesome had come any sooner, I would not have been ready. I remember getting frustrated because I felt that it was hard just getting to the "girlfriend" part of a relationship and I began to wonder how would I do being a wife. I now realize that in the waiting period, all of the experiences, disappointments, and frustrations were an aide to help me to grow into the type of person that I needed to become which was not just some girlfriend, but a wife. Although times of it were unpleasant, I am glad that I did go through and I know that God was answering my prayer the whole time. I learned a lot about myself and relationships through the process and now my growing time is that of becoming even more of a Godly wife and that is a prayer that I keep lifted. For now, I will just keep saying that silent prayer of thank you for my hubby.