Continuing from the post last week, I felt it necessary to elaborate on the reasons why being content with co-habitation without marrying is not a good idea.
False sense of commitment. When there is co-habitation there is the fallacy that it is just like
being married. However, with this notion that no matter how
much time you invest, emotions that you tie into, or finances that you entangle, you can always
walk away from the situation if the partner simply sneezes the wrong way. This notion sets the
partners up for a selfish type of love that only seeks to serve the interests of each individual
person and not the partnership as a whole. With marriage vows, you are already making the
commitment to weather the storms of life and the good times as well as to stay with the
person even if they sneeze too loudly.
Example for the children. Many people don't really think about the example that they are setting
for the children that may be a part of this equation, but this is not a good legacy to leave. One
of the biggest thought provoking questions that I have asked in these discussions before was
"Would you teach your daughter to let a man take all the benefits of having a wife from her
without a full commitment?" We all know the saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is
free?" What type of example is this for the children?
False sense of financial freedom. As is the case with the co-worker of Mr. Awesome, many people
feel that splitting the bills down the middle is a great deal. The fact is that it is nothing more
than a roommate situation with other "benefits". With a situation like that, there is no
goal of growing your wealth together and using it for the greater good. It is more about self
False sense of " I will get to know their bad habits to see if I can deal with them". This is my
favorite one, the try it before you buy it fallacy. The fact of the matter is that you do not have to
live with someone first to see if they have quirks that you find annoying. You do not have to live
with them to see if they are messy, play Xbox all day, or lie constantly. You can see those
things with enough time, attention, and prayer before you get married. And it does not have to
take ten years of living together to figure it out. No one is that slow.
Like I previously stated, some people have lived together prior to marriage and have since married and have successful marriages, but I believe that these people are a rare few. However, for the majority of those who feel that they need to try it before they buy it, it is not good to believe the hype. The selfish nature that this type of thinking promotes is not a good character trait to have in any relationship.
Ephesians 5, Hebrews 13:4