Mars and Venus Together

   
 Sometime before Mr. Awesome and I began our courtship, I read a clever book by John Gray called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. This book was such a blessing to me as it put so many things into perspective as far as the misunderstood differences between men and women. The fact of the matter is men and women are wired differently and when I came upon that concept, it relieved me of a lot of frustrations that I had with trying to understand why males did things in a way that I thought was dumb. Although, I will never understand the full perspective of men, I can appreciate it more and I know that it is a part of God's design that makes men and women complimentary to each other. This book also addresses the intricate details of the wiring of women and it helped me to understand myself better. Ladies, if we are honest, we don't always understand the many aspects of our emotional being so I can only imagine why men get lost in the shuffle of some of our whacky ways.
      As I revisit the content of the book, it makes me laugh as I witness the inherent differences between Mr. Awesome and I.  For example, I know that it can be hard to believe, but I can be a bit of a chatter box and when I am stressed or something is bothering me, the natural thing for me to do is to TALK about it. Most of the times after I talk about it, I feel alot better. However, there are times when I need a solution to the issue at hand and in a lot of cases Mr. Awesome will ask if I need for him to just lend an ear or to offer a solution. I am glad that he has that concept down, as foreign as that may be to him. In contrast, he does not sit down and have a 1,000 word conversation about an issue while pouring out feelings.  He discusses it, gets to the point, and moves on to the next topic.  I usually need to sit there a little while longer just to say a few more words so that I can meet my 1,000 word quota. Another example is that I find it amazing that Mr. Awesome does not need (or care to have) nearly as many details about things as I do.  He has left the house decorating totally up to me, and although I am not complaining about that, I do see him getting flustered when I begin to share intricate details such as the color curtains I would like to put up. He says to leave the details out and to just let him know when to put the curtain rod up. That is one of the differences as he is goal oriented and I am into the details that are needed along the way to the goal. Although the differences can make understanding each other a challenge at times, it is those differences that work together for a greater purpose.  In the bible it lays out men and women's primary needs when it commands husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. God did design us to be different, but to fit together for his purpose. I am thankful that Mr. Awesome is my great fit :-).

The Three Of Us

     On the day that I became a wife to Mr. Awesome, I also became something else profound, a new mom. A splitting image of her dad, she gave me the biggest smile and hug when I first met her, Kiana. I was hooked from the beginning. However, my life was hardly graced by children, so my lack of experience made me nervous about taking on such an important role in her young life. I often wondered about my ability to be what she would need when her life was already established and I imagine that she was just as nervous about me. It didn't take me long to realize that this young lady ,whose intelligence surpasses her age, was going to make the transition not as scary as I had anticipated.

      I can say that I am amazed when watching her and feel so thankful that she has opened her arms. Although there are times when I wonder if I am doing or saying the right thing, I believe that God has graced us with each other for a reason and I am glad to be able to be here during such an important time in life. I really couldn't have asked for  better and feel blessed as I experience being a first time mom. With her magnetic personality, respectful demeanor, and maturity, it has been a joy and I quickly found out why Mr. Awesome is so proud of her.

      On the day of our wedding, I had a few words that I wanted to say as a vow to her, but the wedding coordinator got crossed signals and omitted it out of the program. Although they were accidentally omitted on that day, they are still true:

"Kiana, I want you to know that I dearly love your father. We have become very good friends over the weeks and months and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful man with me, so will I share the love I feel for him with both of you. Together, we will learn much more about each other.
I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your dad, and in due time, to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be mother and friend, and I will cherish my life with both of you. On this day when I marry your dad, I marry you, and I promise to love and support you as my own. I love you very much"

I do wish that I could have spoken those words on that day to show how I feel, but I did let her know. As time goes on and we continue to transition, I am very thankful that I have her in my life and plan to use what I have to enrich her life . I am glad that the brightness of her personality and the values instilled in her from Mr. Awesome and others who have positively influenced and loved her have produced such a bright person. I know that I will make mistakes along the way and that everything won't always be easy, but if it will be anything like it is now, then we will have a good time.

The Purpose In Waiting

He doesn't know this, but a lot of times I will look at my husband while he is resting and say a silent prayer of thanks for him. As I lay there, I thank God that I have someone so wonderful to share my life with and to go through the trenches with. As I marvel in this thought, I remember the times that I doubted that this would ever happen. I remember the years of prayers and the times that it seemed like God had turned a deaf ear to my prayers concerning a Godly husband. With such imposters out there, it was becoming increasingly frustrating to even imagine that some good would come from this. Waiting. I was getting weary of it. There were times that I had even become self righteous as I looked at what I thought were happy relationships being born out of every sin in the book and I began to wonder why was I trying to do what was biblically correct.  Was I the perfect human being? No, but I still wondered how was doing things this way paying off when it appeared that others were doing what was societally acceptable and were getting what they wanted in a hurry.   I know that my vision was a bit skewed, but my faith was being tested to a great degree. I must admit that there were times when I wanted to throw my hands up and do what was "normal". Lord, I love you, but this way is too tough.

      I look at the years of waiting for Mr. Right to come along and now I see that, even when I felt like it was a waste of time, there was a purpose and it was a purpose far greater than what I could imagine. I thought that I was ready, but God did not let it happen before time because he knew that I had much work to do. As painful as some of the lessons were, they helped to chisel away some of the junk that I was holding onto that would have hindered me in a lot of ways. That song Bag Lady was made for me because I had some bags. Despite my impatience, I was busy with growing during the waiting time and now I know that if Mr. Awesome had come any sooner, I would not have been ready. I remember getting frustrated because I felt that it was hard just getting to the "girlfriend" part of a relationship and I began to wonder how would I do being a wife. I now realize that in the waiting period, all of the experiences, disappointments, and frustrations were an aide to help me to grow into the type of person that I needed to become which was not just some girlfriend, but a wife. Although times of it were unpleasant, I am glad that I did go through and I know that God was answering my prayer the whole time. I learned a lot about myself and relationships through the process and now my growing time is that of becoming even more of a Godly wife and that is a prayer that I keep lifted.  For now, I will just keep saying that silent prayer of thank you for my hubby.