What Does 'I Do' Really Mean??

     It was only a few months after our wedding day that one of my closest relatives asked me if Mr. Awesome and I were still married.  I was dumbfounded by that question and wondered why this person thought that we would not last up to our one year anniversary. I answered with a reassuring "Absolutely, I am still married. I Do means I Do".   As I thought more about that question, I realized that I couldn't be that offended by the question as the person who asked me had never been married and had unreasonable expectations for potential mates.  However, based on cultural standards, I know that he is not the only one who feels that way. Too many times we turn on television to see couples splitting and fighting over property that is apparently more important to them than the marriage.  I have even noticed billboard signs advertising divorce specials like it is a supermarket sale.  It is such a disgrace to see the newest trend of divorce parties.  It is sadly apparent that the sacredness of some marital vows is only as strong as the drink served at some wedding receptions; once the buzz wears off, then what?

     On our wedding day, I was so relaxed and calm as I said I Do to Mr. Awesome.  It was not only because I knew that Mr. Awesome is Mr God Sent, but because I had a peace knowing that God is with us. Even though there was a little comic relief when I said I Do at our wedding, I was serious in my heart.  With  I Do, I knew that everything and everyday would not always be delightful and rosey as it was on the day that we joined our lives together, but I Do know that God is able to get us through those not so nice days.  He already has.  When I made my promise to Mr. Awesome and God, I knew that Satan would throw many curve balls our way, because he hates marriage and he hates the fact that we try to keep our relationship God-centered, however, I Do know that God will give us the strength that we need to conquer those obstacles.  When I said I Do, I knew that there would be days that I would need the intervention of God to humble my heart when I find it challenging to be the wife that I need to be, but I Do know that God will work on my heart as he has done before. When I said I Do, I also knew that meant saying yes to the days when I look at my husband with starry eyes and to those days when we are rattling each other's nerves.  When I said I Do, I knew that meant that we would have lots of things to celebrate and lots of challenges to overcome as we have already experienced some of these things.  But one of the things that I Do means to me is the fact that I have a great husband who reminds me that he was serious about his I Do. I know that we have a lot more growing together and a lot more to experience as we live out our I Do, but with God we will be able to keep our covenant as sacred as the day that we entered into it. . . . . . . . . Stay tuned for Mr. Awesome's thoughts on I Do. ...............................................

Love and Respect (Part I)

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5:33

     On our first date weekend, Mr. Awesome and I were sitting at a table in a restaurant near a family who was having a very interesting conversation. The family consisted of a wife, a husband, and a young son and the wife sat on one side of the table while the husband and son sat on the other side.  While we were waiting for our food to arrive, we could not help but notice the tension that was at the table as they were having this conversation, or shall I say "as she was having this conversation".  We noticed that the more the wife talked/ scolded, the more the husband slouched in his seat as if she was slowly stripping away any morsel of dignity that he might have had.  I don't remember him getting a word in as she spoke to him in a condescending manner and at a certain point it seemed as if the son had more dignity than he did.  I felt sorry for the husband as I wondered what would posses her to speak less than honorable to him, let alone in front of the son. Honestly, I don't know what happened as to why she felt the need to speak to him in that way, but I started to reflect on what I had learned about the primary needs of men and women, which are Love and Respect, and he was clearly not getting his Respect.

     One of the things that I learned while preparing for marriage (and even now) is that a woman's great need is to be loved and a man's great need is to be respected.  Although, it is important to have both love and respect for both partners, respect weighs more heavily for the husband as love weighs more heavily for the wife.  I do try my best to make sure that I respect my husband, not only to please God and him, but to show an example for my Bonus Daughter when she becomes older and marries.  Am I perfect at it? No. But I do strive and pray that I will respect him in the way that he needs. However, I must admit that the definition of Respect is relatively broad and can cause a bit of confusion for me.  I have learned, though,  that some of the ways that one can respect one's husband is to regard him, notice him, honor him, prefer him, loves him, admire him, and defer him.

     Right now, Mr. Awesome and I have a book that we are planning to read together (thanks to our Pre-Marital counselor) entitled Love And Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and I am anticipating learning what it has to say concerning this topic. I can definitely say that Mr. Awesome is doing great at loving me and I am so thankful that I have a hubby who is just as dedicated to enhancing our relationship as I am...........................As far as that wife at that restaurant, I don't know what she had been through in her life, but I sure hope that she got a glimpse into the world of Love and Respect. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Stay tuned for Part II as we read the book.

Love Letter To Hubby

Dear Mr. Awesome:

     I know that I have told you on numerous occasions, but I must say it again.  I am so thankful to God who answered my prayers for putting us together. MANY prayers later and he blessed me with more than I even asked for on my list. I just want to say thank you for being the husband that you are to me. Thank you for being all of those things that a husband should be: the priest, protector, and provider of our home.  Thank you for being the source of support that I have counted on during the times of laughter and the times of tears. Thank you for the patience that you have displayed as I have a personal funeral for the remains of Miss Independent.  Thanks for being the one that I have counted on to share in my triumphs and for being the one that I have cried on when I had heart breaking disappointments.  Thanks or putting up with my quirks as I put up with yours. Thanks for showing such transparency with me and letting me know that we are a team. I am so thankful to have you to share dreams with and work towards them together. Although, life has already thrown us a few curve balls, I am thankful to have you to duck and dodge them with. This list does not fully represent all of the ways that I am thankful for you, but I'm doubly glad to have you in my life.

Love,

Amanda

What's In A Name?

" Should I keep my original last name? Should I hyphenate my last name? Should I turn my original last name into my new middle name while adding his last name? What about my degree, certificates, and professional license that has my original name on it? What about the feminist view that says that taking my husband's last name is a sign of his ownership of me? Wouldn't it be disrespectful to my father if I should shed my last name for a new one? "


     There are many arguments about the changing of the new wife's last name to that of her husband, but it was never a question for me if I would change it. Although it is more tradition than biblical, I always knew that when I got married I would take the last name of my husband and relinquish my original last name. To me taking my husband's last name is in no way showing a form of his ownership of me or a disrespect of my father, but is a showing of my willingness to be under my husband's Godly leadership of our home. For me it shows a form of the unity that we are continuously building as a couple, because a name is only a drop in the bucket of things that you need to be unified on. The changing of the last name shows how important our covenant with each other is to me. It far outweighs the process that it is taking to change my last name legally and the process of proving that I am the person named on my college degree and professional license. I am honored to take the last name of such an awesome husband. Besides, with this new last name, alphabetically, I do not have to wait in line as long as I use to. :-)

Being A Bonus Mom

     Since the Mother's Day holiday, I was hit with a myriad of emotions that made me explore my feelings concerning my new role as a Bonus Mom. The first one was an EXTREME appreciation for my own mother and the sacrifices that she made over the years to make sure that my brother and I were taken care of.  Of course, our childhood was not perfect and even now my relationship with my Mom is sometimes strained,  but I can still say that both of my parents were there full time and my mother was a source of support through the good and the not so good. Another emotion that I was dealing with is the overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that has come with becoming a bonus mom to my bonus daughter (the term "step" is not used in our home). In the very beginning of my journey, I had all of these grand ideas and visions about how I would come in and be this super bonus mom and that our transition would take little effort.  After all, God had brought Mr. Awesome and I together, so I thought that this new role as a bonus mom would be just a majestic.   I already knew that there were going to be a few challenges, as I was coming into the life of a child who was already established. The fact that I had not experienced motherhood myself made me nervous, but I had high hopes that what I had to bring to the table would make all defenses melt away.  Fast forwarding this story will tell you that there have been a lot of challenges with the transitioning into becoming a Bonus Mom, and in a lot of ways it has caused me to question my own ability to be a good mother to any future children that we would like to have. There have been assumptions that I should already know how to handle certain things as a new Bonus Mother to a young teenager who has had a life before I arrived and it has brought on a great sense of pressure that makes me question all of the things that I had bent over backwards to do. Perhaps, I have bent over backwards and worked too hard to try to prove that I could be all that I was expected to be and that I could accomplish all of the self-imposed  goals just to find out the hard way that I was not able to do.  In fact, the pressure and discomfort that I was feeling was partially from the fact that I was striving to be what I thought that I was supposed to, while sporting this impossible facade.  I was not being myself and was trying desperately to find my identity as a Bonus Mom.   Wow.    Then I started to wonder where was this golden book on being a Bonus Mom?   I began to watch others as they were rearing their children, because I was in a hurry trying to catch up when I was already thirteen years behind.

      It was during the Mother's Day weekend that the realities of being a Bonus Mom hit me hard. All of the questions and uncertainty that I have had while I try to get acclimated to my new role, I was forced to feel. I am at the point of releasing my new role to the Lord and letting him guide me through this journey. I am now realizing that all I can do is to be myself and use what God has equipped me with to be the role model and caregiver that I can be to my Bonus Daughter.  I know that this process will have its highs and lows, but I am thankful that my Bonus Daughter is a well rounded young lady and I am doubly thankful that Mr. Awesome has been the rock as we go through this transition.

Miss Independent

    Degree? Check....... Apartment on the lake in the city? Check....... Sports Coupe in the color that I wanted? Check....... Ability to take trips at the drop of a hat? Check.......Ability to take care of things for myself? Check....... Ability to supply my closet with shoes and purses on my own dime? Check....... Ability to change the oil in the car that I paid for? Well not quite, but I sure can pay someone to do it....... Yes, Miss Independent was in full swing and was looking cute while doing it. I had whole heartedly bought into the feminist notion that said that I can do it ALL by myself for myself.  However, there is one thing that I found out while being Miss Independent and that was that you end up just that, Independent. The fact of the matter is that Miss Independent is only cute on the outside, but on the inside there is a different story.  There was this constant struggle trying to figure out why I had all of this stuff in a lifestyle that many encouraged me to keep up, but felt a serious lack of balance.   Why did I only feel half-way content with being the sister-girl who is praised in many songs and is glorified in different secular sitcoms?  The fact of the matter is we have been given a skewed worldly standard to follow.  If we dare to be honest, the world is lying to many women about what a woman should be and the notion that you should be all things to yourself and prove that you can even perform a man's role better than he is just false. Now I am not saying that acquiring some formal education or being successful in the career world is not good , but it is unhealthy when we follow the need to reject our femininity to accomplish it.  When we examine the biblical role of womanhood, there is nothing there that says you are an entity unto yourself and it praises the woman who has learned how to be embrace her God given role without rejecting it as the world would have you to do.  

     On top of buying into the world's definition of womanhood, I let my fear of ending up in a dependent relationship like the one that I saw as a child cause me to turn against relying on someone. With this, I went overboard with my independence and went as far as to refuse to ask for help when I did not have much food during my college years. A few years before Mr. Awesome and I got together, I started going through a transformation when I realized that being Miss Independent was not God's design for womanhood.  Through a series of life's lesson's, Miss Independent was being challenged and I know at this time that God was preparing me for marriage.  As much as I had bought into the Miss Independent idea, I had to be honest about my desire for a Godly gentleman who knew how to lead, provide, and be the head of our home.  In order for me to get prepared, I needed to experience a few things that would help me to shed my flawed behaviors and thinking.  If I had married during the time that Miss Independent was in full swing, it would have been a disastrous situation . After a great deal of my transformation took place, that is when Mr. Awesome showed up. Although I was still accustomed to doing things on my own when he came around, I was very open to letting him be the man and be the great leader that God has called him to be.  I had learned to relax and let him take the lead and I am so glad that I had the time to go through the transformation that helped me to get to this point. Although there are times when the Miss will try to seep back in, I am so thankful to have a hubby who is patient through the remainder of the process. All I know is that the things that I could do as Miss Independent are nothing compared to what I can do with my wonderful hubby.

Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

     I was never one of those girls who had her wedding planned out by the age of ten and since I was never in a wedding until I was an adult in my cousin's wedding, my experience was very limited. I always knew that I wanted something nice, but wanted to focus more on the reason why a wedding was being held in the first place and that is why I didn't collect bridal magazines and peak into wedding shops until it was time. So after the proposal,   Mr. Awesome left most of the details up to me and my optimistic and naive self went to work on planning this wedding that I was determined was going to be "simple" and nice. Everyone was going to be happy to celebrate with us and support us without imposing any confusion. Yep.  After we came up with the budget , everything else was going to fall into place.  It was just going to be that simple.

      Between finding out the hefty price tags of the various venues and hearing of the different requests that we "needed" to meet in order for someone else to be comfortable at our wedding, I was becoming overwhelmed fast.  I know that weddings are not only a special time for the bride and groom, but also for each of the families.  However when all of the requests started rolling in, it was starting to look like we were just going to be the bride and groom at someone else's major film production. I never understood why we were being asked to order the most expensive meal on the menu when the wedding was being solely funded by Mr. Awesome and I.  To this day, I still don't understand why someone told me that we would regret it if we did not register for gifts when between Mr. Awesome and I, we had enough kitchen utensils and blankets. I am still baffled as to why the wedding was deemed to be unconventional because we decided not to have ring bearers that probably couldn't care less about dragging a floppy pillow down the aisle. Somehow, someone made it seem as if our marriage would not start off right unless we ordered a china pattern. A china pattern?! How does our use of candles instead of flowers for table centerpieces affect your personal well-being?  Why should there be an argument about one particular song not showing up on the play list because it is one of your personal favorites? How is it inconsiderate that the wedding was scheduled at a time of day that you would not have picked for the wedding that you did NOT plan? How did our wedding date selection become something that we needed to consult your personal calendar for?  My focus was quickly shifting from the reason that we were having the wedding in the first place and was moving toward trying to accommodate everyone else's desires. I was trying my best to enjoy the process, but was having a hard time with that. Most people were probably well meaning, but did not know how much stress their two cents was causing and I was getting more and more stressed as I realized that I could not meet all of the expectations. On top of the planning, I had just made a major move, changed jobs, changed churches, left some familiar friends and territory and was trying to adjust to it all at one time, while planning the wedding from out of state. Whew.  Don't get me wrong, there were some absolutely fun times with planning the wedding, but the process was nothing I was prepared for, even after receiving advice from other brides who had recently conquered the planning.  I must say that one of the most peaceful and fun parts was the dress shopping. Ironically enough, I found THE DRESS on a chance visit to a bridal shop that I was just browsing through on my way to another shop. To share that moment with others was a true delight, and one of the most joyous parts of the wedding planning.

     The last few weeks before the wedding were so stressful that I begged Mr. Awesome to elope at our honeymoon spot.  Our honeymoon spot was a secret kept from me, but all I knew was that I just wanted to get there and unite with the love of my life in a peaceful and lovely way. Forget the deposits, the flower arrangements, the wretched guest list, the grueling menu. That was my attitude about it, but deep down I knew that there would be regrets it if we did not have the ceremony that we really wanted. We did press through the trenches that lasted up through the rehearsal the night before the wedding, and sadly a 14 year friendship with my Matron of Honor finally unraveled the night before our wedding.  I needed to get refocused and I prayed before I went to bed. After much prayer, it happened.  I woke up very early on the morning of September 3rd and I had a peace that could have only come from above. My heart was full of joy knowing that I was marrying the love of my life.  I got up to get ready to unite with Mr. Awesome and I knew that no matter what happened that day, everything was going to be OK. If the cake did not arrive on time, or if my hair did not turn out right, or if some of our guests complained about the food that we worked hard to pay for,  it was going to be OK. I didn't spend years praying for the perfect wedding, I prayed for a wonderful mate and that is what God gave me. In the end the wedding turned out to be wonderful and worth the pain that it took to plan it, but the best part was when we said 'I do'.