The American Dream

     It does not take long to look around and see how people are striving for the biggest and best career, the biggest house on the block with the white picket fence, and the super car that lets everyone know that they have "arrived".  It is not hard to see the standards that have been given for us to strive to reach in order to be considered significant in this society.  It is not hard to see the media's tainted definition of success or the stress that people put on themselves to keep up with this notion.  Personally after working very hard to earn some of those things that society told me that I needed in order to be important, I began doing some soul searching.  One day, I was just pondering about all of "my accomplishments" and wondered a few things.  I wondered  if this was all there was to it.   Why did I have all of these things that the world told me would make me happy, but still felt a lack of purpose.  That is when God started working with me and I learned something very valuable.  The American Dream is not found in the bible.

    In Corinthians 10:31, it tells us that whatever we eat or drink, or whatever we do, do it all for the glory of God.  With that being said, we should know and believe that everything that we accomplish, do, or say should bring glory to our heavenly father.  This  is where many people get off track.  If you do things for your own glory or for the sake of having the American Dream, then you will not have peace, purpose, or rest.  There will always be this constant search for the next big thing leaving you feeling hungry and spent as you constantly search for your purpose.  When searching for a nice house, car, or any other material thing, we need to ask ourselves are we using these material things to bless others.  Are we using our big or small homes to show hospitality and love to others?  Are we using our cars to bless others?  Are we using our finances to help someone in need?  Having materials things is nice, but the main purpose is to bless others and to glorify God in these things that he has blessed us with.  When we get that notion, we will understand the real reason and purpose behind what we do.  It is not to obtain the American Dream, but to give God glory.

Where Are The Titus 2 Ladies?

     Most of us know about the all virtuous Titus 2 woman that the bible speaks about.  She shows deep respect in her reverent behavior. She is not one who gossips about or slanders others.  She is not a drunkard. She is a teacher of good things and she trains the younger women how to love their husbands and children.  She teaches younger women to be self controlled and to be women of purity.  She admonishes the younger women to be keepers of the home, kind, and submissive to their husbands. Overall, she is a woman of grace and great wisdom who imparts that wisdom into the generation of ladies that are under her influence.  She is definitely someone to look up to as her role is so vitally important in our generation and generations to come.  But, where is this Titus 2 woman in this day and age?

     Growing up, I had my mother as the primary role model for womanhood.  She was a great homemaker and a good role model for being a keeper of the home.  Although things were not perfect, she did posses many of the great qualities that I would need to mimic in my adulthood.  However, when I became a young twenty-something adult, the level of guidance from her seemed to cease.   Now, I do realize that once you have raised your children, they should be adult enough to be able to make their own mistakes and decisions, but does that give a parent the privilege of keeping all of their wisdom nuggets to themselves?  In my mid-twenties, I had completed school, started a good career and could totally take care of myself (with the Lord, of course), but I still needed my mom to impart her many years of wisdom into me as I was going along this road of womanhood.  In a lot of ways, I was searching for the wisdom of an older woman who could teach me about the true ways of life because at this point I was making a lot of needless mistakes.  Sadly, I could not rely on my mother for this type of wisdom.  I began to pray for an older woman who could be those things that the Titus woman was.  And I was blessed with it in different forms.  This has been especially important now since I have been married.  God has put some great people into my life who have "been there and done that" and have imparted wisdom to someone who is striving to be a reverent, submissive wife, and keeper of the home.

     There are some great women who have so much wisdom to impart into the generations that are after them and  it would be a blessing to see an older wise lady take a young wife or young mom and put her under her wing and help guide her as she learns her roles.  It would be great for an older wise woman to share nuggets of wisdom with those of the next generation.  It would be a blessing to so many to receive the blessing of wisdom from those who have been there and have done that.  Unfortunately, a lot of the times I have seen (and have experienced) the older "wise" woman talking about and criticizing the young mom or wife instead of trying to help her.  How does this help the situation?

     Thank God for the women that the Lord has given me wisdom through.  I do hope and pray that with the experience that I do have and with the wisdom that I will gain,  I will not be afraid to share with and bless someone younger than myself who has yet to learn what I have been blessed to learn.  What is the point of wisdom when you can not share it with others?

Happy Mother's Day !!

     I must say that my reflection on Mother's Day is very different than last year.  As the Lord has been working on me, I had to think more specifically about what the day was about.  It is about the celebration of the woman or women who sacrifice so much so that children can become what God would have them to be. Although many people feel that birthing a child makes them a mother,  we know that is not always true.  The definition of a true mother is someone who cares for and nurtures the most delicate parts of the child that God has entrusted them to care for.  The true mother is the one who does the back breaking work of molding and developing the child into the type of person that God would have them to be.  As I look back on my life, I am so thankful that I have a mother who was always there in the trenches with me as I was growing up.  I am thankful for my grandmother who was there in my life.  I am thankful for all of the women that I have encountered who have had an influence on the type of person that I am today.  Looking at how I live my life today, I see a big piece of my mom, some of my grandmother, and portions of other women who have influenced me.  With the type of influences that I was blessed with growing up, I can only hope that I would have a big impact on those of the next generation that are within my realm of influence.

If It's Ain' Broke, Why Fix It? Part II

     Continuing from the post last week, I felt it necessary to elaborate on the reasons why being content with co-habitation without marrying is not a good idea. 

False sense of commitment.   When there is co-habitation there is the fallacy  that it is just like
         being married.  However, with this notion that no matter how
         much time you invest, emotions that you tie into, or finances that you entangle, you can always
         walk away from the situation if the partner simply sneezes the wrong way.  This notion sets the
         partners up for a selfish type of love that only seeks to serve the interests of each individual
         person and not the partnership as a whole.  With marriage vows, you are already making the
         commitment to weather the storms of life and the  good times as well as to stay with the  
         person even if they sneeze too loudly.


Example for the children.  Many people don't really think about the example that they are setting
         for the children that may be a part of this equation, but this is not a good legacy to leave.  One
         of the biggest thought provoking questions that I have asked in these discussions before was 
         "Would you teach your daughter to let a man take all the benefits of having a wife from her   
         without a full commitment?"  We all know the saying, "Why buy the cow when the milk is
         free?" What type of example is this for the children?


False sense of financial freedom.  As is the case with the co-worker of Mr. Awesome, many people
        feel that splitting the bills down the middle is a great deal.  The fact is that it is nothing more
        than a roommate situation with other "benefits".  With a situation like that, there is no
        goal of growing your wealth together and using it for the greater good.  It is more about self
        preservation.

False sense of " I will get to know their bad habits to see if I can deal with them".  This is my
       favorite one, the try it before you buy it fallacy.  The fact of the matter is that you do not have to
       live with someone first to see if they have quirks that you find annoying.  You do not have to live
       with them to see if they are messy,  play Xbox all day, or lie constantly.  You can see those
       things with enough time, attention, and prayer before you get married.  And it does not have to
       take ten years of living together to figure it out.  No one is that slow.

     Like I previously stated, some people have lived together prior to marriage and have since married and have successful marriages, but I believe that these people are a rare few.  However, for the majority of those who feel that they need to try it before they buy it, it is not good to believe the hype.  The selfish nature that this type of thinking promotes is not a good character trait to have in any relationship.

Ephesians 5, Hebrews 13:4

If It Aint Broke, Why Fix It? (Part I)

    

     Recently, one of Mr. Awesome's co-workers needed to stop by our home for a quick visit. As he sat down he seemed nervous while looking around at the walls in our home. I asked him what was wrong in which he replied that he did not want to do something that my husband was trying to convince him to do. After more probing, I found out that he did not want to have the types of pictures hanging on his home walls that looked like the pictures hanging on ours, wedding pictures. Of course, I had to keep probing and found out that he had a live-in girlfriend, but did not see the need to make the full commitment.  Yeah, they are sharing bills, food, children, and might I assume the bed, but according to him there is no need to marry. Although they have not lived together for too long, they have been together for three years and his reasoning for not wanting to jump the broom was that he felt that he was happy with the arrangement as it is. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." is what he said to me. According to him, the marital statistics guaranteed  him personal failure at anything dealing with a marriage and he did not want to risk it.  Sure, he signed up to risk his entire life for the sake of this country, but was not willing to risk it for marriage. Hhhmm.

     Unfortunately, far too many people feel this exact way.  Looking at the statistics as well as the various relationships that are barely hanging on, it is easy to see why marital hopes are easily demolished.  However, could Mr. Awesome's co-worker be looking at things the wrong way?  Is he (like so many) falling into the attitude that marriage will fail before it has begun?  To answer that, I must say yes.  First, a lot of people think of marriage as some type of fantasy land that resembles a permanent vacation.  Yes, marriage is absolutely beautiful.  Yes, you get butterflies when you see your mate coming home from work.  Yes, you love gazing into their eyes until you both fall asleep.  However, during the times that the eye gazing is not happening, there is work to be done.  Lots of work.  When Mr. Awesome and I were in pre-marital counseling, we were taught a very true lesson.  When you say 'I do', you are really saying 'I die'.  Yes, you die everyday.  You die to selfish ambitions.  You die to attitudes that seek to weaken the marital bond.  You die to the notion that it is all about you.  You die to the myth that the marital relationship is just about getting your needs met.  The ' I die' concept is so foreign to many in the society today and that is why many walk away when they are just not feeling it.  It boils down to the fact that it is all about them when in reality marriage is made up of more than just self.

     When I heard the excuses of Mr. Awesome's co-worker, most of them had to do with his unwillingness to let go of his own self interest for the interest of the woman (and children) that he shares a home with.   He seemed perfectly content with reaping the benefits of marriage without the legal piece of paper or more importantly, the vows made in front of God.   Despite his fear, I tried to convince him that an expensive wedding is not neccessary for the wedding vows to be made .  With this being said, I must also wonder why his significant other would be content with giving away her "milk" for free.

     I do believe that he is probably a good person, but is very decieved about the why fix it notion.  It needs to be fixed because with this arrangement, the tone is already being set for selfish preservation.  Should one go into marriage with that mindset?  It is probably not a good idea.  However, I have seen cases where couples do the honorable thing after living together and I have seen some who seperate painfully after living together for years.  But I feel that it is better, if things are started on a more honrable note.      Stay tuned for Part 2.

What About Your Friends

     Despite the popular saying, diamonds are not a girl's best friend. They may be close, but they are not put on the best friend list, lol. When I was a young girl, my quietness did not afford me many friends, but as I became older I was blessed to gain friends that I still have even until this day. Through the years I have bonded with them, confided in them, lent a shoulder to them, laughed with them, cried with them, prayed with them, and grew with them.  In general, I have been blessed to have had friends for the long haul.  My inner circle is not that big, but the friends that are in it have been a staple and I am very thankful.  Since marrying Mr. Awesome, I have been blessed to have formed even more bonds with like-minded people and that makes the equation even sweeter.  Although, I do not talk to or see some of my closest friends as often as I did before jumping the broom, when we do connect it is like we never left off.  To all of the friends that I have been blessed with over the years, I say thank you for your presence in my life.  However, I want to say thank you to my number one friend, my hubby, Mr. Awesome!

Can Single People And Married Couples Be Friends?

     In some circles, the newly married couple will get the advice to loose their single friends once they say their wedding vows.  In other circles, the newly married couple will get the advice to keep their single friends because they have been with them through the years.  In my personal opinion (and my husband's opinion also), I would say that single people and married couples can be friends.  In fact, I think that they should. My opinion comes from having been on both sides of the equation.  During a great majority of my time as a single person, I had two great friends who were married.  This could have been a prime opportunity for either of them or I to dissolve the friendship because of the differences of priorities, but I valued our friendships and more importantly I respected their marriages and I respect marriages as a whole. I never felt a sense that I was less than or beneath them because I did not share the same marital status that they did.  In fact, I felt included in their lives and although I could not fully understand their sometimes hectic schedules, being friends with them felt no less than beneficial.  I was able to see some of the inner workings of marriage and was able to learn some of the good and some of the challenging points of marriage and what I needed to prepare for before it was my turn to jump the broom. 

      On the other hand, many people feel that single people can not offer the married couple much of anything, but that belief could not be farther from the truth.  As long as the single person is rooted in biblical principles, has a respect for marriages, and can offer biblical accountability to the couple,  the friendship would be nothing more than a blessing.  Sometimes that Christian single friend may see something that you don't. When I was single and one of those friends that I mentioned earlier started having a tough time with her husband and their relationship, I could see how she was a big part of the messy confusion.  However, I never saw it as an opportunity to say the "I told you so" and "Forget him" lines.  I saw it as an opportunity to offer an ear, a shoulder, an honest word, and lots of prayer for the needless division that was happening.  I believed that God had brought them together and I continued to pray with her and for them.   Now that I am married, I have the same expectations for any friend that we do let get a glimpse into our marriage.  With this I also hope that Mr. Awesome and I are biblical examples for others who may want to get married as we both had examples before we got married.

     Of course, I must put in the disclaimer that I am in no way condoning ANY friendships between the married and the singles that involves a lack of respect on either of their part.  Nor am I condoning any friendship that is not founded on biblical principles, because we have all seen the effects that that has had on marriages and pure single lifestyles.  With that being said, I do believe in the biblical version of these friendships and have been blessed to have these in my life.  Singles can definately be a blessing to those that are married.  And if done the right way, the married couple can be a blessing by being the ultimate examples of what God wants in marriage and restore faith to a union that this society often mocks.