They Want It All

   

     I am sitting down to a moment of peace and quiet.  In front of me is a yellow package of my favorite cookies that my husband ordered online just for me, Lemonade Cookies.  They don't sell these cookies in our region, so when they arrived in the mail as a pleasant surprise I decided to hide them in a special place for such a time when I could enjoy them alone. It was my plan to partake of these delicious lemony treats when I could eat them without worrying about sharing, more specifically with my sweet-faced babies. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind sharing.  However, out of all of the things that I do share with my wee ones,  I really wanted this to be a mommy-only treat.  After all, I share everything else with my babies. . . . . . . . Finally, I had my moment.  My sweet babies were distracted and I decided to take my chance and have a favorite snack all to myself.  I carefully opened the yellow wrapper and pulled out the sleeve of shortbread cookies with the lemon frosting on the back.  My mouth was watering and I was excited that it was finally my time.  As I take out my first cookie to enjoy, I hear the most interesting sound. "Mommy, peeaassee (please)..... Cookie, peeaassee......  Mommy, peeaassee."  Oh no, it's my toddler begging for one of my cookies.  How did she know I was here and how did she know about the cookies?
   
     Such as it is, I shared some of my cookies with her and my other crumb snatcher when she came with her hand reaching out.  As a mom, it is a joy to be able to give what I have just to see a sweet smile on their faces.  But sometimes, I can't help but to think of how much is enough?  Am I not entitled to a moment to enjoy a sweet treat?  Is it too much to ask for a moment in the shower without having the curtain pulled back by a toddler trying to join in on the water fun? Dare I ask for my own shoes back that one of my babies has taken and decided to walk in for the fun of it? And as grateful as I am to have been able to breastfeed for so long, sometimes I just don't want to share the "milkies".  Although it is pleasure in giving to our children, it is also important for them to see that they are not entitled to everything. But where is the balance?  Honestly, I can't expect for my toddlers not to act entitled at this stage of life,  but I do love the fact that they are learning to give also. We are teaching them the art of sharing with each other.  My oldest one loves to nurture and give to her sister.  Then she fights her to get it back.

Being Content In Our Seasons

   

      Before I married the love of my life, Mr. Awesome, I remember doing what most women I knew did.  I sat and fretted, and worried, and wondered when  I would meet my Mr. Right.  I would wonder if the stranger that I had just met in the grocery store would be the one. I would sit through a date wondering if it would become something more than just the dry chicken on the plate. I had accomplished so much as a single person and was able to do things that I liked such as travel and work a career that enabled me to help people and their health. I had been blessed with material things, health, the love of family and friends, unconquered time, and I was still focused on the one thing that I really wanted, a soul mate.  In fact, there were times that the yearning was so strong that it consumed me.  I would look at other women who seemed to be happy in a relationship and wonder why I couldn't get a decent guy.  "How am I suppose to become a wife, if I couldn't even be a girlfriend." I would ask myself.  At the time, I did not realize that I was not destined to be just a girlfriend, but a wife. After years of going through the waiting season of singleness, God matched Mr. Awesome & I in such a perfect way.  I am so thankful for our union, but looking back on my time of waiting, I often wonder why was I in such a state of discontentment.

     Like some of the single women that I  have had conversations with recently, their story is much of the same.  They are often in a rush to shed the 'single & fabulous' status like it is some type of disease.  I often say that as great as it is to be married, I wish that I would have enjoyed the positive aspects of my season of singleness during that time.  Despite what culture says and what we are taught as little girls, there is a beauty in every season of life and that includes the single season, married season, season with young children, season with older children, career season, etc. Many single ladies waste time waiting to be saved by Prince Charming that they forget to live their lives and their purpose. There is so much that one can do while waiting on God to give their heart's desire, whether single or married. Just because we are waiting, doesn't mean that we have to sit with idle hands.  One thing that I can say is even after being married, waiting seasons don't stop.  As many know, we went through a season of waiting before babies came along and now I am missing my season of sleep.  No matter what season we find ourselves in, there is something special about being content where we are and enjoying the benefits of each one.

Am I Coming Or Going?

   

   Today someone asked me how things were going with having two babies two years of age and under.  I knew that her question was well intentioned and I knew that it was coming from a place of her own personal experience.  I looked at her while trying to get my toddler into our car and said " Its going.......Either you swim or drown."  That's the best way that I could describe it as she asked me during a time that I was trying to get my toddler and baby out of the house and into the car to run an errand. Before I had two babies under two, I had heard people use the term in a way that lets you know that the task was challenging.  Yet when I became pregnant only six months after my oldest baby was born, I didn't imagine what was coming my way.  Although I was overwhelmed at the thought of having two in diapers, I was glad to have an unexpected new addition to our family.  When our sweet baby girl arrived, the challenge did not initially hit as she did a bit of sleeping those first few days.  I was excited because she appeared to be a great sleeper, unlike my older baby who had nightly "parties" between 12:00-3:00 am. 

     One night, our little Yazmine woke up with a cry for milk, nothing extraordinary.  Then  it happened.  My older baby, who had become a great night sleeper at this point, decided to wake up and join the crying party at the same exact time.  That was the first moment that  I knew that I didn't know what to do.  One is crying.  The other is crying.  There is only one of me.  And Mr. Awesome was getting his sleep on right in middle of the crying fest........................ Although I knew that he would have helped if I had awaken him, I didn't want to disturb him at that moment.  Before I decided to join in on the crying fest, I got my nerves together and tended to my youngest, then oldest, then everyone was back asleep.  I had put out the first of many "fires".  As time had gone on, I had been challenged to divide my attention between my two babies, while trying to do other things that needed attention.  Yaz needs milk,  Alayna needs a snack, the dog needs to be walked, the dishes are getting dirty, the clothes are piling up, I need to grab groceries with two babies in tow, someone has a doctor's appointment, and I hadn't had a shower in three days.  Mr. Awesome is being put on the back burner and I struggled to find the time to pay him much attention......................... Now that my youngest is one and my older baby is two, it has gotten a bit more manageable, but not by much.  I hear that it gets easier as they get older.  Sometimes  I like to hear that.  But honestly, I am basking in this stage where they are ALWAYS around my legs, pulling on my dress, running around giggling, and looking at me with a smile that absolutely melts my heart.  I am so thankful that God let me experience this bond with my girls that lets me know that I mean so much to them as they do to me.

Coming Home

  One month after I turned the ripe old age of sixteen, I was behind a cash register of a popular fast food restaurant, asking customers about the size drink they wanted.  I was so eager to work outside of my home that I asked my parents to drive me down to the restaurant with the 'Now Hiring' sign on the billboard and I quickly filled out a paper application.  A beam of pride surrounded me after I was hired, because I felt that this bold move would be the beginning of my independence.  It was an independence that was shining bright even through the fact that my parents had to drive me to my place of independence.  From that time on, I believed in the almighty time-clock that most often hung on a wall in a narrow hall or an office somewhere.  After  I graduated from high school and made my move to the big college campus, I really felt the obligation to continue to work as those tuition bills began to roll in.  The money that I was making became less about luxuries and more about necessities. It was seriously challenging to hold a job and try to further my education, but I was determined and proud.  Although, I had the emotional and moral support from my parents, I knew that they did not have the extra finances to help.  So keeping an outside job was not only a source of pride, but it was also a necessity.

     After I graduated from college, I was blessed to begin enjoying a career that I deeply loved and appreciated. To have a career that I really enjoyed brought on a satisfaction that I was proud of. And that was something that I was able to bring with me as I entered into Holy Matrimony with Mr. Awesome.  I knew early on that working for me was my choice in our marriage, but we did not have any small babies, so it was nothing that I put much thought into as I made the drive into work.  During a portion of our marriage, I did work part time, so that I could have more time to be the keeper of our home.  Mr. Awesome has always been supportive of my choices, but together we made a great team.  Fast forward a few years into our marriage, I finally became pregnant with our sweet Alayna.  Like most women,  I had a choice to make. I knew that I wanted to take time off to be in the bliss and duty of new motherhood. Yet, the real question was how long would I stay off work.  I continued to work throughout my pregnancy until it became too physically taxing at the eight month mark.  My boss graciously worked with me to find a viable solution as I pondered over what decision to make.  As I pondered this decision, I thought of the countless other women who did not have the option to stay home and had to make the sacrificial choice of having someone care for their precious baby while they made financial means.  To these ladies, I tip my hat because neither decision is easy.  It made me even more grateful that I could freely make such choice with the support of my husband.  In the end, I decided to leave my job a few weeks before Alayna was born.  But the real moment of truth and perspective came when she was born and I held her in my arms for the first time. At that very moment,  I knew that we had made the right decision for our family.  It was then, that I had total peace with having made the choice to come home.

Pregnancy Chronicles (Part I)

Courtesy of Eclipse Photography by Design (James Williams)

   First Trimester

     I remember seeing pregnant women walking along their merry way while smiling from ear to ear, with their hair blowing in the wind, and a glow on their faces that was contagious.  I would often see them rub their ever expanding baby bellies while gleefully sharing their excitement for their new addition to be. I would see people doting over them as the mommies-to-be relished in their delicate state and I thought that they looked so happy. So when I became pregnant with our sweet Alayna, I just knew in my heart that I would share the same sentiments.  I knew that I would have that special glow that pregnant mommies often have and I would not have any discomforts, especially since I rarely caught a cold.  Just a few shorts days after our positive pregnancy test, the reality of pregnancy came in like a mighty rushing wind.  I would wake up in the morning with an upchuck episode and these episodes kept coming to the point that I would have about five per day. Day after day.  It would happen anywhere in the home, in the car, and at work.  In fact, I missed a lot of work during this time because things were so rough. I started driving hubby's car instead of mine because the smell of my own car sparked an episode.  The smell of grease outside of restaurants would trigger an episode, as did the smell of garlic. Although I was a hungry woman, I couldn't keep anything down and the major source of my nutrition came from the IV fluids they gave me in the emergency room.  I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum, which is an excess of nausea, vomiting, and dehydration.  By the end of my first trimester, I had lost 20 pounds and it was noticeable.  When people began to notice my slimmer face,  I just passed it off as having been under the weather since I wasn't ready to share the news yet. The thing that really kept me going during this time was seeing our baby moving around during an ultrasound.  Just to see the heartbeat and wiggly legs, I knew that this discomfort was worth it.

Second Trimester

     Around the 13th week, the nausea subsided, but I still had an average of five episodes per day.  I was feeling a bit better and was able to resume my normal work schedule, yet I still had not told many people what was going on especially since I was not showing.  On top of this, Mr. Awesome was deployed, so I was in the battle semi alone.  At this time, we were trying to figure out if we wanted to know the sex of the baby.  I wanted to know but Mr. Awesome sternly claimed that he did not want to know until the birth.  We had many debates over this and it turned out that he was just as excited to find out before the birth, but felt the need to play around with me.  Since he was on deployment, we used Facetime during the appointed time in which we both found out that our baby was a girl.  Thank God for technology.  After the initial shock of finding out that our baby was a girl, I began to buy little outfits and hair bows to get prepared for the mountain of cuteness that was on its way.  It was also during this time that an unfortunate family emergency brought Mr. Awesome home from deployment early.  Even with the emergency, I was glad to have him home to share the rest of the pregnancy with.

Third Trimester

      As they say, the third trimester is tough.  Space was getting tight, my hips were taking a beating, and this is when the waddle became real.  This was also when people really knew for certain that I was pregnant without wondering if my belly was just flabby. Yes, baby girl was showing.  Finally, I did have a glow as I was anticipating the arrival of our little one.  However, that glow did not show the inner readiness to feel like a normal person again.  The glow did not show the desire to have  my energy back.  The glow definitely did not show the lack of sleep that I was getting, because I had to sit up most nights to be comfortable.  The glow did not show the effect of the summer heat on a pregnant body and my relief with a cup of ice and Coca Cola.  I never liked Coke until I was pregnant.  But, with all of the discomforts of the third trimester, I was so ready and excited to meet our baby girl................. Then one morning, labor started . . .  . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Happy Father's Day, Honey!!

 

     From the time that I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a loving husband in my life.  Among the qualities that I prayed for, I knew that I wanted him to be a great father for our children.   That is one of the things that attracted me to Mr. Awesome.  I saw how he was with my Bonus daughter.  Although things weren't always perfect, I saw that he was a great father, much like the example that I had from my own father.  Seeing the way he has fathered and now how he dotes over our babies is a site to behold.  I love his provision and protection over them.  I love how he lights up when he comes in the door to see them and how our toddler always does this happy dance when he comes home.  I love his support of me being home with them.  I can't say enough about how blessed I am to have him as their father and my parenting partner.  I look forward to all of the days to come as we go through the trenches of raising them. Thank you, God, for the gift of my hubby and to him I say,  Happy Father's Day!

My Beauty, Their Beauty

 


  

To Alayna and Yazmine,

       In a world where your beauty will be measured up against an unrealistic standard of airbrushed models and scantily clothed entertainers, I want you to know that your beauty is God-given and is not dependent on the amount of skin that you show.  In a society that will try to make you ashamed of true femininity, it is my desire that you will walk in the full beauty of what God has placed in you as young girls and someday women.  In a culture that will try to judge you for having more or less melanin in your skin than others, I want you to know that God has put his personal seal on your beautiful shades of Mocha.  It was he who made all shades.  In a world that will try to convince you that you have to have certain physical features or a certain body size in order to be accepted, just know that your features and size are something to be content with.  Yet, we must treat our temples with respect.  Whether you are quiet like your mama or loud like your dad, I hope that you accept these traits and use them to speak up for the helpless and talk for the voiceless.  It is my desire that you look in the mirror at the curly and coilly locks on your heads and confidently flip your hair as you go on about your day, because your mama is flipping her hair too.  It is my hope that you look at your height, whether it be tall or short and see the unique benefits of it.  Whether you have a straight smile like your dad or a unique crooked one like me, I want you to always smile your biggest smile, because that is one way of letting the light that God put in you shine. Don't forget to rejoice with others who also shine the light that God has given them.   And about those chiseled arms that I know that you two inherited like your big sis, wave them proudly as your mama proudly waves her not so chiseled arms. Someone may be forgotten or ignored all day until you wave to them.  I pray that you always walk with your heads held high, not because you are overly confident but because you confidently know where your beauty really comes from.  It does not come from a magazine cover or a television commercial. It does not come from someone's opinion on a particular day or the amount of money that you have, it comes from the Lord. In him, we are fearfully and wonderfully made and wonderful are his works (Psalms 139:14). It is with this confidence that you can go out and fulfill your God-given assignment and I know that he has something special for you two to do.  Always remember that there is only one beautiful you, so don't waste time trying to be someone else.


Love,
Your mama

If I Had Known....... Beauty in the wait

   

When I cried and begged the Lord to bless my womb, I could not imagine what he would have in store for me.  I did not imagine that the journey to conceive our rainbow baby would include two miscarriages and a failed adoption.  I did not know that there would be days of seeing the dream that I felt entitled to end up in someone else's lap, time after time. I did not believe that I should have to endure the heartache of infertility and uncertainty, because I am a good Christian woman and I should not have to endure such a thing, right?  False. I did not know that my faith would be rocked in this area, because although God took me through many growing seasons, I did not feel like I needed growth any further in faith.  False. I did not know that I would find myself wishing that I could send the "stork" our location via iPhone, because clearly he must have been lost. Ultimately, I did not know that God was preparing me for something that I did not see coming. God was stripping some things from me in order to prepare me for what he was about to do.  A sermon that I heard a couple of years ago had me in tears as I realized that God did not owe us anything. He did not owe us additional children outside of the beautiful Bonus daughter that I already have. He did not even owe me the numerous blessings that he already laid upon me over the years.  His grace and mercy are sufficient.

     We were going through an adoption process and had a bad "break-up" with the agency over philosophical differences.  We were devastated and could not understand what it was that God was telling us.  Everything that we had tried ended up in utter disappointment. Was he telling us to surrender our dreams?  Was he showing us that we are not in control?  Was he telling us to put our focus back on him?  Just a few days after our departure from the agency, we found out we were pregnant.  The initial part of the pregnancy we really did not rejoice, because of the disappointments we had just been through (and because of my extreme sickness). Yet, in the depths of my being, I had a peace that although we had been disappointed before, I knew that this little baby would be alright.  And she was.  Nine months later, coming out at 6 pounds and 11 ounces, hollering and screaming, we welcomed our little Alayna.  As we were basking in the joys and sleepless nights of new parenthood, the Lord reminded us of his abundance when we found out we were pregnant again just six months later. My cup runneth over.  Now we have two beautiful babies, Alayna and Yazmine, and mama hasn't seen a full night of sleep since 2016.  Looking at the journey to get to this point, has me thankful for all of the nights crying out to God.  I did not believe that he heard, but he was preparing me.  Now as I look into the face of our toddler who has redecorated the kitchen floor with a bag of flour or our infant who insists on doing acrobatics in her bassinet, I am reminded that the Lord was preparing me for such a time as this and I am loving every minute of it. . . . . . . . . Now it is time to go clean up this flour off the floor.

Picture Perfect

    
    

     I was reflecting the other day about the many blessings in my life and how this picture alone says much about some of these blessings.  This picture reveals some of the abundance that God has poured into my life.  With all of the beautiful green grass and tress in the background, my loving husband that has always supported me standing beside me, and our bundle of joy that we are in love with, many may assume that things are perfect.  Although this picture gleams of that notion, there are some things that are not shown in this photo.  Yes the grass and trees are a reflection of the beautiful Spring time, yet someone had to mow and care for it to make this picture colorful.  Yes, my wonderful husband is standing beside me supporting me on this joyous occasion, but there have been times that he had to exercise extra patience and love to deal with some of my moodiness. There have been times when my own smile was not there for him because he was testing my patience.  Yes, I am rocking the Cap & Gown after receiving my Master's Degree, but many people have no idea that this journey started exactly twenty years ago.  This picture does not show the many tears and times that I felt like giving up on my journey to graduation.  This picture does not show the times that I was discouraged by outsiders to forfeit my goal.  This picture also does not show a wife caring for her family and delivering our newborn in between classes while typing papers.  This picture does show our special addition to our family, our precious baby girl.  Yet, this picture does not show the years of heartbreak behind two miscarriages, a failed adoption, and the final surrender before we conceived again.  Although those things aren't shown in the photo, it is those things that I am most grateful to God for.  I do believe that God allowed me to conquer the ups and downs so that I can tell a testimony of his goodness.  I guess you can say that this is the Picture Perfect Testimony.  To God be the Glory!

Beauty Is .............

     As young girls, we often look at the women in our lives, mainly our moms to get our beauty barometer.  If these ladies have an obsession with what society says that we "ought" to look like, then we will often follow in their foot steps.  As young girls, we have found ourselves looking in mirrors while turning to the side and trying to figure out how we can make ourselves look skinny.  We pull on our hair to see how long it would be if it was naturally straight.  We look at the television commercials and convince ourselves that we will be more acceptable if we use the same beauty product that the model used that gave her that special glow and that smile that attracts anyone.  The unfortunate thing about this is the fact that this poison gets more intense as we become older.  More and more women are flocking to stores to empty the racks of high fashioned weave that does not even closely resemble their natural hair texture.  The cosmetic industry rakes in billions annually for the sake of helping us become more "beautiful".

    I wont even begin to say that I do not like to play in make-up or have worn weave before.  However, I am coming to a point where my definition of beauty comes from the biblical standard versus the worldly standard.  After all, it is God who made us and has given us a standard of how we should be.  Before we continue to stress ourselves about the latest and greatest in beauty trends, we need to look at the true priceless beauty that is described in his word:

-Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be 
     praised.
   
      It is important to keep in mind that the fear of the Lord is important and precious to him.

-Peter 3:3-4: Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

    Of course, this does not mean that you can not braid your hair or wear gold, but that what is more
     important to God is the inner beauty which is a gentle and quiet spirit.

- I Timothy 4:8: Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is more important, for it  
  promises a reward in this life and the next.

    Of course it is important to take care of the only physical temple that we are blessed with, but what
    is more important is the spiritual exercise.


    Although, we should take pride in keeping our temples fit and  God honoring, we need to remember that it is not the size of our bottoms or the length of our hair that makes us beautiful, but on those things that are important to the Lord.

Top 10 Things That I Learned From Deployment

    

 

 



     As is with military life, deployments are a part of the routine.  However, the Lord blessed Mr. Awesome and I to enjoy wedded bliss for three years before he had to go off and sail the horizons for 7 months.  As many spouses do, I had to put on my "big girl drawers" and get ready for the journey ahead.  As expected, the deployment stretched me in ways that I did not anticipate, but during the time that hubby was gone, I learned and grew a lot as a person.  Here are the top ten ways that I grew in the time that my hubby was gone.

1) My reliance on the Lord increased as it already does daily.

 

2) The great love that I had for my hubby grew exponentially.

 

3) I had to take out and dust off Ms. Independent a few times to get some business done that hubby would normally have been here to take care of.  However, it was not the same.

 

4) There are some really caring people in this world who understand the plight of military family sacrifices.

 

5)  The lawnmower and I do not (and will not) get along.  It is definitely not my favorite member of this family.

 

6) Raising a teenager "alone" is no walk in the park or on the beach ........ It's just not fun.  Lord, I learned a lot more about parenting during this time.

 

7) The stove/oven gets a much needed break during deployment, lol.  What choice of cereal do I want to eat?

 

8)  I was reminded of what Paul speaks of when he says that we can give undivided attention to God when we are not consumed with the cares of daily married life ( I Corinthians 7:33).

 

9) I learned how to be busy to help the time of deployment "pass quickly".

 

10) Mr. Awesome is such a great husband even on deployment.

 

 

About Feminism

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised - Proverbs 31:30

 

   "I'm a grown woman. I can do whatever I want."  This is a chorus verse from a song of one of the most famous feminists entertainers that is out today.  Whenever I think about the influence that this entertainer has on many women in this society, it is heartbreaking to know that so many idolize her.  At first thought, the lyrics may sound fun and cute, but these lyrics do not match up with the more personal side of her life.  This entertainer has a husband.  This entertainer has been seen in nurturing positions with her offspring.  Yet, this entertainer is swaying thousands of women to adopt this attitude of "I can do whatever I want to" and "girls rule the world".  This leaves many women confused as they take on a type of persona that does not bring true contentment.  It leaves me to wonder if this artist says these words to her long-time husband at home.  I wonder if she is at home teaching her daughter to hold this type of undisciplined attitude.  I believe that I can safely conclude that her lyrics do not display what really happens in her home.

     In my late teens and my early twenties, I adopted that type of attitude of being "grown" and being able to "do what I want to do".  I was all about "girl power" and I was trying to rule my "piece of the world". After I held this believe for a few years, I was left feeling confused and depleted and wondering why was I in a state of discontentment. This is when the Lord began working on my heart and I learned that true contentment comes from my God-given assignment and roles, not the role that society had pushed upon me.  After submitting myself to God's definition of my role as a woman, I began to breathe easier. I was able to relax in the fact that by accepting and embracing God's gift of my feminine nature, I was no longer fighting to be a true woman.  No longer did I have to feel the need to fuse my womanly nature with accents of the masculine attributes that society says that women need to carry.  In fact, now that I am married, I feel relieved to be able to embrace true femininity as I'm under my husband's physical protection.  I feel comfortable being under his priestly provision.  I feel relieved to be under his umbrella as the provider of this family.  As my husband does many things for our family, I am glad to be able to embrace my womanly roles in our family.  I am glad to be able to be a the soft feminine being that God has called me to be and not that confused masculine version that the world wants us to be. 

Special Gestures

 

 

          The first official thing that Mr. Awesome did to let me know that he was ready to take our friendship to the next level was to send flowers to my job.  I remember seeing the flowers for Valentine's Day and I became speechless. He made the nicest gesture of getting my favorite flowers {Tulips} sent to me.  It was the beginning of something special.  As time has gone on and we have just celebrated our third year of marriage, it would be easy to believe that there is no need to do these types of gestures anymore.  But as the saying goes, " you need to keep doing what you did to attract the love of your life even after you get them".  If I had to remind Mr. Awesome of that, this blog post would be different, but it isn't.  Over the course of our relationship, he has kept the flowers coming.  He still opens the door for me.  He still does all of those things that I found attractive in him in the beginning.  In fact, the other day he sent the Tulips in the picture to my job.  I was given many compliments and was asked many questions. "Is it your birthday?"  No, my birthday is in October.     " Are you mad at him?" No.  "Is everything OK?" Yes, these flowers are something that my hubby does on a regular basis. I thought that the questions were funny, but I couldn't help but to feel proud that my husband still goes through the process of showing me how much he loves me.  Although these gestures are not special for everyone, Mr. Awesome knows that they are special to me.  In no way do I take this for granted.  I am highly thankful for my husband and all of the ways that he shows his love for me.  More than that, I thank God for choosing to place us together as he did.   

 



Love

 

 

 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
-I Corinthians 4-7

     On a recent trip to the city of brotherly love (Philadelphia) to visit with family that I haven't seen in a long time and to get some authentic Cheesesteak sandwiches, we stopped to take a pic with this all too famous sign.  As we braved the type of cold that Philly is also famous for (at least in my book), we were able to get some other nice tourists to capture this moment for us.  Although the original designer of this sculpture, Robert Indiana, did such an artistic notion by making this display, we have to give all honor and credit to HE who constructed the concept of LOVE in the first place.

    Many times we think of love as that "tingle-in-my-spine-and-butterflies-in-my-stomach" feeling that we get when we see that special someone that we are enamoured with, but love is more than that.  In God's definition, it involves more action than anything.  It involves sacrifices with the perfect example being that of Jesus' death on the cross for our sins.  Although, we can never display that type of love, we must strive daily to adhere to the definition of love that our father has given us.  With that, I do hope and pray that I am able to continue to love my husband in the way that our father would have me to.  I pray that I will love my Bonus daughter in the way that he will have me to.  I pray that I will display this love in my daily walk out in the world.  But the humbling thing is to know of the depth of love that he has for us all.

For My Girls

     It is often that I thank the Lord for my husband.  I look at my blessing and I thank the Lord that he blessed me with a God-fearing husband that treats me like nothing less than a Queen.  I would be a fool to consider hubby less than anything but the King that he is.  As I think of this blessing, I also can't help but think of many ladies who are still praying for Mr. Wonderful.  From some of my closest gal pals to others, I often pray that they too will experience this type of love.  When I was a  singleton, I had a friend who prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed that God would send me a God-fearing husband.  Some twelve years later, he did (only on his time).  For those that I know who want the blessing of a God-fearing husband, I send up this prayer:


     Dear God,

     Today, I pray for those friends, family, and ladies in my life that have been praying for the blessing of a good husband.  I pray that you prepare them as well as their future spouses for the art of Holy Matrimony.  I pray that their hearts  will remain pure and healed from any hurts that may have happened along the way. I pray that they will completely forgive any and every perpertrator that has ever come to try to rob them of their innocence.   I pray that they will take out the time to seek you first in their decision making when it comes to giving certain people a piece of their precious time.  I pray that you will give them peace and contentment during this phase of life for in your word, it does command us to be content in whatever state we are in.  I pray that you will protect their minds, hearts,and bodies as they are being prepared for Matrimony.  I pray for physical purity during this time as it very hard not to give in to fleshly desires.  Lord, I pray that they will take this time to seek your face as this is the time of life where there is nothing standing in the way of complete devotion to  you.  I pray for complete discernment in their lives as well as the patience that is needed to go through the chiseling and grooming process.  Lord, I pray that they will see the beauty in holding themselves to a higher standard, knowing that pearls are not for pigs. Lord, I did not make all of the best decisions during my time as a singleton and you still saw fit to bless me.  I pray for the same grace on these ladies.  More than anything, I pray that these ladies will be at peace, filled with faith and hope, and know that this is ultimately for your glory.  To you we give all of the honor.  In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

It's Our 3rd Anniversary !!

     To God Be The Glory!!  We are at our 3rd year mark (Sept 3rd) and will be on our celebratory trip soon!  Time sure does pass quickly when you are having fun (and doing the daily grind that is called Life).  I must say that  if I must use a single word to describe this year, it would be hard to choose just one.  As with any relationship, there have been days when each of our little quirks really rattles the other person's nerves, but the blissful days definitely outweighed those days.  I look back on this past year and I am overcome with thankfulness to God that after many years of prayer, he blessed me with such a God-fearing, loving, patient, funny husband.   Through the things that we have been through that have tested us, he has always been my number one source of support and I am grateful for that.  One day recently, Mr. Awesome said that when he married me, he married up.  I had to let him know that he wasn't the only one who married up, so did I...........  As we begin our next year of wedded bliss, I pray that God continues to allow us to get even closer and use our marriage as a witnessing tool for others. 









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What Just Happened ??!!

     As many people know, Mr. Awesome and I took a niece into our home in an effort to try to do something positive and to give this beautiful young girl a chance to have a more stable environment for her upbringing.  Our hearts and arms were open to take care of this bubbly, sweet child as we were also trying to give her mother a chance to get on her own feet and to become more prepared to be a better provider for her children.  The situation was presented to us in a way that made it seem as if it was a bit of an "emergency", so why would we not help someone in an "emergency"?  We got some encouragement from some well wishers as we were preparing for this endeavor.  We also got those who felt like we should wait a while before taking this task on, especially into a marriage that was only one year old.  Yes, we were still adjusting as a couple.  Yes,  I was still struggling trying to find my place as a new Bonus Mom.  But, we ultimately looked past our own adjustments and decided to throw this new adjustment into the mix.  Hhhhmm.

     Without going into deep details, I must say that this decision required more from our family and our new life together than we anticipated.  During a time that we should have been focusing on our newlywed life, we were spending countless hours dealing with an unknown spirit that manifested itself in some very destructive ways.  While we were trying to solidify our budding family, we were trying to sift through a chaotic situation.  The more that we tried to undo the chaos, the worse that it became.  This happened while contact from her mother was voluntarily eliminated.  Who forgets their own child?  Who doesn't ask about their child's well being if someone is taking care of them on their behalf?  Who hears their child's voice on the voicemail and never picks up the phone to call her back?  This made my struggle with my prior miscarriage even more prevalent as I wondered why this mother could not see the blessing that God did give her?  What deal did we get ourselves into as a new family?  Lord is this really your will?  We went into this thinking that love and an abundance of trips, gifts, and attention would heal this child's wounds, but it was not.. We thought that the mother would take out the time to actually follow through and get herself together for the sake of her children, but she didn't. . . . . . . . Needless to say, our niece is back home where she wholeheartedly desired to be.  Many people there appeared to be glad that she was back, but then began to criticize us for bringing her back.  Did you criticize us for doing what we said that we would do which is take good care of this child while her mother tried (or didn't try) to get on her feet? Or are you criticizing us, because now you have to fully deal with the issues that you were trying to get away from in the first place?

     Am I a little bitter? Yes.  Would I do it again? Not unless it was a baby.  I do thank the Lord for giving us the opportunity to minister to this child.  I pray that he used us to get her closer to him.  But deep down in my flesh, I can't help but ask "What Just Happened?!!"

The American Dream

     It does not take long to look around and see how people are striving for the biggest and best career, the biggest house on the block with the white picket fence, and the super car that lets everyone know that they have "arrived".  It is not hard to see the standards that have been given for us to strive to reach in order to be considered significant in this society.  It is not hard to see the media's tainted definition of success or the stress that people put on themselves to keep up with this notion.  Personally after working very hard to earn some of those things that society told me that I needed in order to be important, I began doing some soul searching.  One day, I was just pondering about all of "my accomplishments" and wondered a few things.  I wondered  if this was all there was to it.   Why did I have all of these things that the world told me would make me happy, but still felt a lack of purpose.  That is when God started working with me and I learned something very valuable.  The American Dream is not found in the bible.

    In Corinthians 10:31, it tells us that whatever we eat or drink, or whatever we do, do it all for the glory of God.  With that being said, we should know and believe that everything that we accomplish, do, or say should bring glory to our heavenly father.  This  is where many people get off track.  If you do things for your own glory or for the sake of having the American Dream, then you will not have peace, purpose, or rest.  There will always be this constant search for the next big thing leaving you feeling hungry and spent as you constantly search for your purpose.  When searching for a nice house, car, or any other material thing, we need to ask ourselves are we using these material things to bless others.  Are we using our big or small homes to show hospitality and love to others?  Are we using our cars to bless others?  Are we using our finances to help someone in need?  Having materials things is nice, but the main purpose is to bless others and to glorify God in these things that he has blessed us with.  When we get that notion, we will understand the real reason and purpose behind what we do.  It is not to obtain the American Dream, but to give God glory.

Where Are The Titus 2 Ladies?

     Most of us know about the all virtuous Titus 2 woman that the bible speaks about.  She shows deep respect in her reverent behavior. She is not one who gossips about or slanders others.  She is not a drunkard. She is a teacher of good things and she trains the younger women how to love their husbands and children.  She teaches younger women to be self controlled and to be women of purity.  She admonishes the younger women to be keepers of the home, kind, and submissive to their husbands. Overall, she is a woman of grace and great wisdom who imparts that wisdom into the generation of ladies that are under her influence.  She is definitely someone to look up to as her role is so vitally important in our generation and generations to come.  But, where is this Titus 2 woman in this day and age?

     Growing up, I had my mother as the primary role model for womanhood.  She was a great homemaker and a good role model for being a keeper of the home.  Although things were not perfect, she did posses many of the great qualities that I would need to mimic in my adulthood.  However, when I became a young twenty-something adult, the level of guidance from her seemed to cease.   Now, I do realize that once you have raised your children, they should be adult enough to be able to make their own mistakes and decisions, but does that give a parent the privilege of keeping all of their wisdom nuggets to themselves?  In my mid-twenties, I had completed school, started a good career and could totally take care of myself (with the Lord, of course), but I still needed my mom to impart her many years of wisdom into me as I was going along this road of womanhood.  In a lot of ways, I was searching for the wisdom of an older woman who could teach me about the true ways of life because at this point I was making a lot of needless mistakes.  Sadly, I could not rely on my mother for this type of wisdom.  I began to pray for an older woman who could be those things that the Titus woman was.  And I was blessed with it in different forms.  This has been especially important now since I have been married.  God has put some great people into my life who have "been there and done that" and have imparted wisdom to someone who is striving to be a reverent, submissive wife, and keeper of the home.

     There are some great women who have so much wisdom to impart into the generations that are after them and  it would be a blessing to see an older wise lady take a young wife or young mom and put her under her wing and help guide her as she learns her roles.  It would be great for an older wise woman to share nuggets of wisdom with those of the next generation.  It would be a blessing to so many to receive the blessing of wisdom from those who have been there and have done that.  Unfortunately, a lot of the times I have seen (and have experienced) the older "wise" woman talking about and criticizing the young mom or wife instead of trying to help her.  How does this help the situation?

     Thank God for the women that the Lord has given me wisdom through.  I do hope and pray that with the experience that I do have and with the wisdom that I will gain,  I will not be afraid to share with and bless someone younger than myself who has yet to learn what I have been blessed to learn.  What is the point of wisdom when you can not share it with others?

Happy Mother's Day !!

     I must say that my reflection on Mother's Day is very different than last year.  As the Lord has been working on me, I had to think more specifically about what the day was about.  It is about the celebration of the woman or women who sacrifice so much so that children can become what God would have them to be. Although many people feel that birthing a child makes them a mother,  we know that is not always true.  The definition of a true mother is someone who cares for and nurtures the most delicate parts of the child that God has entrusted them to care for.  The true mother is the one who does the back breaking work of molding and developing the child into the type of person that God would have them to be.  As I look back on my life, I am so thankful that I have a mother who was always there in the trenches with me as I was growing up.  I am thankful for my grandmother who was there in my life.  I am thankful for all of the women that I have encountered who have had an influence on the type of person that I am today.  Looking at how I live my life today, I see a big piece of my mom, some of my grandmother, and portions of other women who have influenced me.  With the type of influences that I was blessed with growing up, I can only hope that I would have a big impact on those of the next generation that are within my realm of influence.