Birthday Reflections

     It is birthday season around our home.  Three of us share the month of October for our birthdays, so needless to say that it is a busy (and expensive) month.  Of course, I had the pleasure of starting the season off and I must say that it was a blessed day. There were plenty of Happy Birthday greetings, breakfast in bed, lovely presents, and a trip to my favorite restaurant, Cheesecake Factory, with my hubby and some good friends.  I felt blessed through out the day, but I also used the day to reflect on the many ways that I have been truly blessed throughout my years of life.  God has given me so much ranging from salvation to my health and strength to my wonderful hubby. As I reflect on those things, I can't help but wonder if I am doing enough with my blessings.  Am I giving enough in a way that is pleasing to God?  Am I reaching out to the hurting and the lost in a way that is pleasing to God?  Am I living a life as a "living sacrifice" as God would have me to do?  With these questions, I pray and reflect and know what I need to work on.  After all, I am here for his glory.  As I welcome a new perspective into my life, I also welcome a new addition to the family for my birthday!

Military Wife Life

     I did not grow up in a military family, never had anyone in my family that was in the military, nor did I have neighbors who were in the military.  So my only real experience came from watching those who were in JROTC in high school or ROTC in college as well as listening to the stories of a friend who was married to a Sailor.  Outside of that, I never thought much of it.  I knew that the service men and women as well as their families made sacrifices, but I did not realize how much.  I remember seeing those stories on the news about the Sailor in uniform marching away from his family for months at a time as the family stayed behind trying to live as "normal" of a life as anyone else.  I can honestly say that although I had some sympathy, I did not have much because in my mind I reasoned that this was the life that they chose in the first place.

     Never did I imagine that I would fall in love with a man in uniform and become a part of a community that I once took for granted.  I must say that my perspective on a lot of things has changed since joining the military community.  Although my comfort zone is with that of the "Civilian world", I have a much greater appreciation of the things that we often take for granted in this society of ours.  Recently, an opportunity has fallen into my lap that allows me to have a closer walk with Mr. Awesome's command and hep serve the other Military families.  Just the short time in this role has opened my eyes even more to the great sacrifices of the service members and their families.  Although we have not experienced deployment as a married couple yet, I have experienced it when we were courting and I can say that it was quite a sacrifice then.  Therefore I can only imagine the sacrifices of the families who do it on a regular basis.  Yes, I love my career in Healthcare , but can't help but to think that we may not have the freedom to even practice medicine without the sacrifices of these men and women. To these men, women, their families, and those that support those in uniform, I salute you.

Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?

     I was never one of those girls who had her wedding planned out by the age of ten and since I was never in a wedding until I was an adult in my cousin's wedding, my experience was very limited. I always knew that I wanted something nice, but wanted to focus more on the reason why a wedding was being held in the first place and that is why I didn't collect bridal magazines and peak into wedding shops until it was time. So after the proposal,   Mr. Awesome left most of the details up to me and my optimistic and naive self went to work on planning this wedding that I was determined was going to be "simple" and nice. Everyone was going to be happy to celebrate with us and support us without imposing any confusion. Yep.  After we came up with the budget , everything else was going to fall into place.  It was just going to be that simple.

      Between finding out the hefty price tags of the various venues and hearing of the different requests that we "needed" to meet in order for someone else to be comfortable at our wedding, I was becoming overwhelmed fast.  I know that weddings are not only a special time for the bride and groom, but also for each of the families.  However when all of the requests started rolling in, it was starting to look like we were just going to be the bride and groom at someone else's major film production. I never understood why we were being asked to order the most expensive meal on the menu when the wedding was being solely funded by Mr. Awesome and I.  To this day, I still don't understand why someone told me that we would regret it if we did not register for gifts when between Mr. Awesome and I, we had enough kitchen utensils and blankets. I am still baffled as to why the wedding was deemed to be unconventional because we decided not to have ring bearers that probably couldn't care less about dragging a floppy pillow down the aisle. Somehow, someone made it seem as if our marriage would not start off right unless we ordered a china pattern. A china pattern?! How does our use of candles instead of flowers for table centerpieces affect your personal well-being?  Why should there be an argument about one particular song not showing up on the play list because it is one of your personal favorites? How is it inconsiderate that the wedding was scheduled at a time of day that you would not have picked for the wedding that you did NOT plan? How did our wedding date selection become something that we needed to consult your personal calendar for?  My focus was quickly shifting from the reason that we were having the wedding in the first place and was moving toward trying to accommodate everyone else's desires. I was trying my best to enjoy the process, but was having a hard time with that. Most people were probably well meaning, but did not know how much stress their two cents was causing and I was getting more and more stressed as I realized that I could not meet all of the expectations. On top of the planning, I had just made a major move, changed jobs, changed churches, left some familiar friends and territory and was trying to adjust to it all at one time, while planning the wedding from out of state. Whew.  Don't get me wrong, there were some absolutely fun times with planning the wedding, but the process was nothing I was prepared for, even after receiving advice from other brides who had recently conquered the planning.  I must say that one of the most peaceful and fun parts was the dress shopping. Ironically enough, I found THE DRESS on a chance visit to a bridal shop that I was just browsing through on my way to another shop. To share that moment with others was a true delight, and one of the most joyous parts of the wedding planning.

     The last few weeks before the wedding were so stressful that I begged Mr. Awesome to elope at our honeymoon spot.  Our honeymoon spot was a secret kept from me, but all I knew was that I just wanted to get there and unite with the love of my life in a peaceful and lovely way. Forget the deposits, the flower arrangements, the wretched guest list, the grueling menu. That was my attitude about it, but deep down I knew that there would be regrets it if we did not have the ceremony that we really wanted. We did press through the trenches that lasted up through the rehearsal the night before the wedding, and sadly a 14 year friendship with my Matron of Honor finally unraveled the night before our wedding.  I needed to get refocused and I prayed before I went to bed. After much prayer, it happened.  I woke up very early on the morning of September 3rd and I had a peace that could have only come from above. My heart was full of joy knowing that I was marrying the love of my life.  I got up to get ready to unite with Mr. Awesome and I knew that no matter what happened that day, everything was going to be OK. If the cake did not arrive on time, or if my hair did not turn out right, or if some of our guests complained about the food that we worked hard to pay for,  it was going to be OK. I didn't spend years praying for the perfect wedding, I prayed for a wonderful mate and that is what God gave me. In the end the wedding turned out to be wonderful and worth the pain that it took to plan it, but the best part was when we said 'I do'.

How Our Engagement Help Prepare Me For Marriage (Part I)

     
     It was September 24, 2010, a beautiful, crisp summer day. The sun was smiling at us, the birds were chirping a special love song , the heart shaped clouds were graciously dancing across the sky, and Mr. Awesome had just proposed to me in the airport lobby. He knew that I loved public displays of affection and proposed in a way that touched my heart. Our love had been taken to another level and I was on Cloud Eleven, because Cloud Nine could not hold me. After days of smiles that stretched our cheek muscles, it was time to enjoy our engagement and plan the wedding that would celebrate our union. This was a great time, but it was also a time that I was challenged the most. I must say that I was not expecting all of the things that would come during this time of engagement, but I now know that they were necessary in order to truly prepare us to begin our lives together. Here are some of the things that I learned during this special period of our lives.

* Leaving and Cleaving really begins after you are engaged. Genesis 2:24 states "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." I always knew this verse, but never really had to exercise this until after the engagement. Sure, I had left my parents home when I was seventeen to go to college and have lived away from my hometown for over ten years, but I never realized that leaving and cleaving meant more than the physical distance and the financial freedom that I had for those years. It also meant a reprioritizing detachment from my family of origin in order to start my new primary family as well as getting into the family that I was marrying into. I did not know that the process would be as emotional for me as it was, but it was a necessary part of the transition as I turned my allegiance to my hubby-to-be. So many marriages are ruined, because someone did not leave and cleave. During this time, I no longer had as much time to talk to my family on the phone, nor was I as available to hang out with some friends as much as I once did. Some people understood what was happening and some were upset. Although, I value and love my family and friends deeply, my number one priority outside of God is my new family. There is no neglect for my family and friends, but the time and access are more limited.

* Going from "Me" to "We" helps you to prepare for becoming a team. This was definitely a time when my transition to being married took root. After, we courted long distance for the majority of our relationship, I figured it was time to move to the same city (no cohabitation) with Mr. Awesome before our wedding. This really helped us to continue our transition and this was definitely a time where we did things and made major decisions as a team concerning everything from the wedding to what goals we had for our marriage, things that we do even more so now. This was also a bit of a challenge for me, because I was accustomed to doing things according to my own system without consulting others and this was a time of trying to create a new system that would work for both of us. And now that we are married, I see how important it is to be a team as we meld our family together. There are times when it gets challenging, but is still rewarding.

* It is EXTREMELY important to watch who you let near your relationship. This was a tough and big lesson to learn. Not everyone likes to see you happy and will use whatever means that they have to rain on your parade.  I experienced a couple of tests concerning this during our engagement, but knew that our union was worth fighting for and protecting. Some access doors needed to be shut to our relationship during the engagement and during our marriage. On the other hand, there were those who poured positivity and blessings into our union and I am so thankful for those people and couples and look to those for further encouragement now that we are married.

Stay Tuned For Part II on Thursday.

Valentine's Day Love Letter To Hubby

Dearest Mr. Awesome:



     Who would have known in high school that I would call you my hubby someday?  Who would have believed that the quiet girl and the comedian would get together and make such a great connection? Thank God for his awesome power and I am glad that he brought us together.  My life was great before but I did not know how much I needed you in it until you came back into it.  I didn't know how much I was missing until you came through the door and now I don't know how I would do without you. The way you inspire me, desire me, protect me, connect with me has touched my soul in a way that is hard to describe. Your support and your laughter are things that has helped me to get through some of life's challenges. Your diligence and strong character makes me feel safe knowing that you have my back. The way that you show chivalry shames even some of the most seasoned "gentlemen" but let's me know that being a lady is still desirable. The way that you rise morning after morning to make sure that we are provided for is one of the many things that gives me a sense of security and makes me proud to say that my man is taking care of business. Your selflessness is something that I admire and it inspires me to become more that way. Your playfulness and ability to make me (and others) laugh is one of the reasons that many notice that I smile more these days.  I love knowing that I have someone so awesome to go through life's hills and valleys with. There are so many more reasons why having you in my life touches me, but for now I am just glad to call you my confidant, my love, my great lover ;-), my protector,  my friend, my husband. I love you more than I can express, I need you,  and I thank God for you. Happy Valentine's Day, Honey!!!

Love Always,

Amanda

Dating or Courtship?

    

      In the last post, Our Story,  an almost obsolete concept was introduced as I referred to how Mr. Awesome and I officially started our relationship. Courtship.  He asked me if he could go into courtship with me and I gladly agreed. Yes, it does sound like something from the 1950's and our society has gradually pulled away from the concept in favor of dating, but it was very beneficial in that we got to know each other on a deeper level without certain distractions that come with regular dating. Now, I will not claim that neither of us has never experienced dating before, because we have, but the courting aspect was so much more beneficial when it came to us and I am very happy that we did it that way.
    

*Dating:  an engagement to go out socially with another person; often out of romantic interest.
*Courting: to try to gain the love or affections of; especially to seek to marry

     Much like courting,  dating begins with the act of socializing and learning another person in a way that may determine if it is something that you want to pursue further.  However, with dating the issue comes when the sequence of learning a person is turned upside down and it takes on  the typical "try on for size" approach. In a lot of cases, a person (male or  female) will date the person, use their emotions, bodies, and waste their time without any real prospect of a permanent future.  With dating, it is believable that you can "try it before you buy it" and no one gets hurt.  If we look around, it is evident that the "nobody gets hurt" part is not true. Sometimes people escape with emotional scars and sometimes people escape with scars that they have to deal with for life.  Sometimes people get stuck in relationships where they wonder 'where is this going" after they have played the role of "wife" or "husband" for years. My personal "favorite" memory of dating is the waiting game.  Some years ago, I was once in a situation, where I was being told whatever lie needed to be told in order for me to stay in the situation while the guy decided on what he ultimately wanted to do.  PSA: Ladies, if a MAN really wants to be with you, it does not take him years upon years to do it.

    I am so glad that Mr. Awesome came with the best "game" ever.  When he asked me if he could court me, I was happy to know that he was the man I had been praying for and he had enough respect for the two of us that he did it in an honorable way. Most of the things that society tells us to do, we did not. We actually waited until our wedding day to have our first kiss.  We put off a lot of self gratification in order to keep our vision clear and our respect for each other. It was definitely not easy, let me tell you, but in the end it has been well worth it. . . . . . . . Please respond and let me know what you think about dating or courting.

Our Story

  
     Our story is one that I love to tell, because it happened in a way that neither Mr. Awesome nor I could have made happen on our own, especially considering that we were over 1300 miles apart. It was during our wedding that I realized quite a few of the people there did not know how we met or even came together.  Maybe some of those people were just there for the food anyway. :) Since ours is a unique story we would like to share it, here it is:


   It was in third grade that Corey and I shared Mrs. Johnson's class together at East Chattanooga Elementary. Our encounter was nothing more than that of classmates and our promotion to the next grade level sent us into two different schools for the next five years. After that, irony would have it that I went to high school out of my district and it was there that we met back up.  Our friendship grew over those next four years and we shared laughs thanks to Corey's comedy relief until graduation sent us, yet again, into two different directions. Corey went to serve in the U.S. Navy and I went to school at T.S.U. in Nashville and then on to Houston, TX after graduation. During this time, neither of us kept in touch with each other as we were doing our own thing including a couple of fruitless relationships. However, we both kept in touch with a mutual high school friend, Chantae.

    One day about ten years after high school graduation, I was on the phone talking to Chantae and we were reminiscing about people that we went to high school with. I asked about Corey and she told me how he was doing and then we continued on with our talk. It was during this conversation that he happened to call her on the other line and she connected him into the conversation. After she told him that there was someone on the phone that he hadn't talked to in a long time, I decided to play the 'guess who' game and was very surprised at how quickly he guessed who I was. We started to catch up and decided to exchange numbers to keep in touch. I was excited to be in touch with an old high school friend, but thought nothing more of it.   We talked off and on for a while getting reaquainted and learning each other on a deeper level, while just maintaining the friendship. Our sporadic conversations turned into daily conversations in which we realized that we had a lot in common. After a good while, he began to express interest in me and I was developing feelings also but I was afraid to show it. After our many talks, I realized that he was everything that I had been praying for, but inside I strongly fought it, puting it off on the distance factor as the reason why it couldn't go past friendship. Besides, we hadn't seen each other in over ten years, how is that going to work?

     Valentine's day roles around and he surprisingly sends a beautiful bouquet of Tulips {my favorite} to my job that he had never been too. Somehow he had secretly gotten the address from a co-worker and had them delivered to me. This officially started what would eventually become our courtship. We, then agreed to meet up a few months later in Washington D.C. 13 years to the day that we graduated high school. This would serve as a mini reunion that only included us two. It was the first time we had seen each other since graduation and it was the most pleasant trip. During that weekend is when he asked if he could court me. Yes, court. I responded with a resounding Yes and that is what began our courtship.  . . . . . . . . . The Proposal, next .....................

The List: Yes, I Made One.

    It is very debatable whether someone should have a list of requirements before they would even consider getting to know someone as a potential mate.  In fact, I was against it for a long while, because I felt like it was a ridiculous idea to make a "grocery list" of requirements that I wanted in order to cook up a good mate. A list is for someone who thinks too much of themselves, right? Yes, I prayed to God for a good mate, but I kept running into Mr. Not Good Mate. It had gotten to a point that if I was able to go on a half decent dinner date with a clean conversation, then I was doing good. On top of the statistics (and I am not a fan of statistics) that says that I, as a black woman, will have a better chance of getting struck by lightening than to find a good mate, things were looking grim. But deep in my heart, there was still hope.  There was hope in the God that had always been there with me.

     One day, I ran across an article of a woman who had gotten frustrated about not finding her Mr. Right and how she was prompted to write a list of what she was looking for and to believe for it.  The desires of her heart were granted shortly after.  From that story, I was inspired to make a detailed list and take the same leap of faith.  So I began writing those things down that were most important to me and the more that I wrote, the more things started to flow out of my heart. I finished my list, closed my book, and did not return to the list for several months. It was during this time that what I had asked for was revealed to me. After my prayer was answered, I looked back at my list and realized that Mr. Awesome is everything on it that I asked for and I am so THANKFUL for him.  The things that were most important to me were not things that were superficial such as the type of car that he drives or whether he has a six pack or not, but were things that really mattered in the long run. After all, cars break down and so do six packs.  Some of the things that I prayed for and wrote were:

* A man who fears the Lord and has a personal relationship with God. God is #1 in his life.
* A man who knows how to prioritize me among other things in his life.
* A man who has self discipline.
* A man who will respect my wishes for celibacy before marriage.
* A man who has personal integrity with himself and those around him.
* A man with financial integrity and wants something out of life.
* A man who is disease free.
* A man who treats the females in his life with respect and integrity {mom, sister, etc.}.
* A man with a sense of humor (I truly married a comedian)
* A man who is romantic.


There are a few more things on my list of desires that I did not publish here, but Mr. Awesome has far exceeded what I asked for (and he is super handsome too).  So, is a list a bad thing? I don't think so, but I do feel that what someone expects should reflect what really matters when it comes to something long term.  The name brand of clothes that he wears is not as important as whether he reads his bible or not.