Reflections of Mother's Day!!

     As Mother's Day has just passed, I must write some reflections about the day that celebrates the phenomenal woman who goes through and sacrifices so much so that her offspring may feel the undeniable love that is within her.  I look back on the day that many used to express their gratitude for and to celebrate this great woman and I can't help but be thankful that I did have that mother growing up.  I also grew up with grandmothers and aunts who were a part of that village that is needed to raise a child.  Now, I also have two great mother-in-laws who have done nothing but take me into their arms as if I was their own daughter.  For these people, I tried to make sure that they felt our appreciation for their love and sacrifices throughout the years.  For all of the mothers who work so hard to raise their children, I wanted to celebrate them.  However, when it came to me celebrating this holiday, I felt so far from deserving of this honor that I was trying to think of every excuse to become "too busy" on that day.  In fact, knowing my husband's heart, I told him ahead of time that I did not want to celebrate it for myself and that I wanted to focus on those who really do the work of mothering.

     Although I am here for the day to day raising of my Bonus Daughter and now our niece, I still have struggled with the notion of not feeling like a mother.  In my mind, I know that I am doing all of the motherly duties and all that I do is because I love and care for them, but I have been struggling with the feeling that I am nothing more than a filler for their biological mothers who can't seem to see the blessing that is before them, a precious child.  These feelings have been further magnified by the continuous grieving of the little one that I never got a chance to hold.  Although the Lord does things for a reason, I still wonder if he felt that I would not be good at parenting and took our gift for his own care.  I have allowed that thought to cause me to feel that somehow, I don't deserve the honor of being called  Mom. This among other feelings has made it hard for me to accept the fact that this holiday may include me.  Before Sunday arrived, someone helped me to realize that I needed to release the gift that was taken into the arms of the Lord and pray that I can accept that my family did start in a way that I never imagined, but it is still a blessing from the Lord.

    After prayer, I felt better about going into Mother's Day, but I still had some reservations about accepting the Mother's Day greetings.  Although, I asked my husband not to do anything for me on that day, he and the children came to me after church with the most thoughtful gifts and cards that nearly made me cry.  My Bonus Daughter gave me a card that stated "Mom", my niece gave me an "Auntie" card, and my husband gave me a card that let me know how he appreciated my role in their lives.  I was so touched and realized at that moment, that mothers are not necessarily the ones who give birth to a baby.  They are not necessarily the ones who name the child or change their first diaper.  They are not necessarily the ones who see the child once or twice a year, sends them a random gift, and think everything is OK. They are not necessarily the ones who let everyone know that they are a mother, while putting no real actions behind it.  However, they are the ones who make daily sacrifices of love, time, attention, protection, instruction, and care.  I am now thankful that God has placed me in the lives of two young girls who may not have had the chance to have a consistent mother figure in their lives.  And while I am nurturing and helping them, their presence in my life has made me a better person.  Motherhood is an honor, whether they come from your womb or not.  So I say to all of the mothers, whether you are a mother, grandmother, godmother, auntie, adoptive mother, bonus mother, mother's-to-be, those who have a heart to be a mother, those who take children into their heart and home, and those who make a difference in the lives of the children around them, Happy Mother's Day, everyday!! 

   

Bonnets and Hair Scarfs, Oh My!

     It is no secret that hair bonets and head scarfs are a staple in the African American community.  I was born and raised on the head scarf as were my ancestors, at least my grandmother was.  Much effort was put into illuminating the beauty that God placed on our heads, our hair, and much effort was put into maintaining it.  From that stinky smelling, thick, and messy hair grease to that hair scarf that would often slide off the hair like it was on a slippery slope,  we made many sacrifices to tend to our crown of glory.  So as an adult, I did what I was accustomed to and I carried on the tradition, I put my head scarf on my head as soon as I got home from whereever I may have been that day and kept it on until I left the house again.  As quickly as my shoes came off when I got home was how quickly that head wrap went on. So when I got married, I thought nothing of this "habit" that had been with me for as long as I can remember.

     Feeling myself getting "comfortable" in my house attire, I decided to put more effort into my house appearence like I do with my outside attire when I am with Mr. Awesome.  So I decided to ask him how he felt about my "comfortable" house attire (my attire outside of the bedroom) and with his uncanny honesty, he let me know that the head scarf was not the most attractive item during certain times of the evening.  I couldn't help but laugh when I thought about how much time I spent in my head scarf while trying to protect that style that I paid much money for or that I worked hard to maintain instead of letting my husband admire that part of me inside of the home.  I couldn't help but laugh as I think of the times that I dress up for him in the bedroom with the bells and whistles while sporting a head scarf.  When I think about it, I guess that is pretty silly.  I had to ask another spouse of her plight with her head bonet and she said the same thing of her husband's preference.  But knowing that men are visual, it makes sense and we need to appeal to that part of our husband's nature.  Since having that conversation with Mr. Awesome, I have come up with a vaible solution, put that head scarf next to the bed. He did not ask for me to give up the head scarf, but I feel that it would not hurt to give him a nice site when he comes home from work.  After all, I did not wear my head scarf on our wedding day.

Motherhood, The Ultimate Career

  

 
   I never grew up imagining that I would start a family in the way that I have, but God has a reason for everything.  Although I haven't birthed any babies yet, I have been blessed to be the Bonus Mom to my Bonus Daughter and now {introducing} our niece is in our care.  I quickly went from 0 to 100 miles per hour in what feels like no time and I have found myself needing to catch my breath. Whew. The ride has been wonderful at times and overwhelmingly tough at others, but it is such a privilege to play such an important role. 

     Recently I have found myself reflecting on the calling of motherhood as I have gotten a deeper appreciation for this special role.  I have found myself reflecting on its underrated value as I think of the new found understanding that I have for the sacrifices that came from my own mother and mothers/mother figures around the world.  As some people say when they get wisdom, "I get it now".  In society, motherhood is not pictured as this glamorous career that leads to a corner office with  a view of downtown and access to the company's car, but as a menial role of simply being a maid, cook, cab driver, and live-in nurse to little ones at the monetary rate of Free per hour.  Obviously it is so much more involved than that, you are raising the next generation, after all.  To be a mother requires sacrifice and a lot of it and now I can appreciate my mother's sacrifices over the years.  I can appreciate all the things that she did to make sure that we had more than what we needed and how she put much effort into raising (along with my father) us and making a house into a home.  I can appreciate all of the effort that was put into the biblical rearing of my brother and I and now I find myself in this important role that I can truly appreciate better. My life up until I got married was filled with serving God, seeking and obtaining a degree, and starting a career that I really enjoyed.  Although that was one of the toughest things that I could have done that required much discipline and sacrifice, motherhood has surpassed that by far.  As much as I enjoy doing what I do in the career world,  I can definitely say that motherhood is the ultimate career.  I definitely give a bow to all ladies that navigate this role and all who want to navigate this role.  It is one of the toughest and most rewarding careers that can be done, but it is a God-honoring role.

It's The Little Moments

     Being married has brought about many blissful moments as well as those moments that we both look at each other with frustrations.  There are those moments where things run smoothly and there are those times when we need to stop in the moment to figure out why we can't seem to communicate the way that we are really trying to.  With all those varying moments, some of the moments that I cherish the most are the moments that seem so insignificant, the day-to-day moments.  Its those moments like the times that my stomach gets butterflies when he turns the front door knob when coming home from work.  Its those moments when we are walking around in a store playing around like some big kids.  Its those moments when we are sitting in the same room doing two separate things, while still enjoying being around each other.  It's those moments when we are sitting around watching a movie (or shall I say that he is watching the movie and I am sleeping).  It's those moments when we go walking in the evening for exercise while talking about nothing and everything at the same time.  It's those moments when Mr. Awesome fills up my gas tank, puts a chocolate on my pillow, plans a great date night, or completes a task on his 'Honey  Do' list.  It's also those moments when neither of us can see past those little things that aggravate us about the other person.  However, through all of the good and not so good moments, the big and the small moments, I couldn't think of a more awesome person to spend those moments with.  My Mr. Awesome.

For All Eyes To See

 

I Timothy 2:9 it lets us know that women should

       adorn themselves in respectable apparel with modesty and self control...



     Most of us gathered around the television on Sunday to watch the Super Bowl and cheer on a team that we probably were never really fans of in the first place (Go Baltimore since the  Tennessee Titans were not in it).  Besides the overwhelming score gap in the first quarter and the electricity power outage after halftime, one of the main aspects of the game that grabbed many people's attention was the well orchestrated half time show.  Many eyes focused on the scantily dressed performer who many said "killed it".  The performance was in fact bold, but I found it disturbing when many praised her ability to get on a stage in front of thousands in the stadium and millions on television and show us things that only a husband should be privy to.  I had to do a double take as I wondered if her husband was truly OK with this.  However as I remembered the many lewd messages that he has sent over the years, it doesn't seem as if he would have any issue against his wife being objectified.

    It was a debate with a co-worker concerning the half time performance that let me further realize that this society appears to despise anything related to modesty.   Although it is great to keep yourself in shape, society says that you need to show almost every inch of your shape without leaving anything to the imagination.  Society sends the message that you are an old fashioned prude if you cover yourselves properly.  There is this subliminal message that a young lady's worth is tied up in how much skin she shows in an effort to cause a man's eyes to stray her way.  It is nothing new to see a television ad showing nothing but a woman in a panty and bra set as if she doesn't need any clothes to go over them.  The jeans in stores are getting skinnier and more flesh toned while the shirts are getting tighter.  Although it is nice to have good fashion  sense, we should be mindful of what message our fashion sense is sending.  We need to be mindful of how we are presenting ourselves and check our motives for wearing the types of clothes that we wear.  We need to ask ourselves certain questions when it comes to choosing our adorning.  Are we representing ourselves in a way that is pleasing to God?  Knowing that men are visually driven, are we dressing in a way that would cause them to stumble in their quest for purity (or lack of quest for purity)?  Are single ladies dressing in a way that attracts the type of potential mate that can not see past what is on the outside?  Are married women dressing in a way that would make their husband proud that he is the only one that is privileged to see certain parts of her?  Is the married woman bringing honor or shame to her husband?  Are we teaching daughters about modesty and the messages that are sent when there is lack of modesty?  Are we teaching daughters what part of their being is most important while detesting the cultural definition of modesty?  Are we teaching sons the importance of modesty when it comes to seeking a wife?  Are we teaching sons how to guard their hearts and eyes against the cultural environment that does not praise modesty?  These are just a few questions we need to ask.

     Sadly, the half time performance at the Super Bowl was a serious representation of the warped sense of standards that the world is passing off as modesty.  In a culture where the definition of modesty is wearing any clothes at all, we must ask questions and check our motives while selecting our own fashions.  Am I saying that we should walk around looking homely and frumpy?  Absolutely not, (I like a good pair of heels) but we need to make sure that we are ultimately representing God in a way that glorifies him.



 

The Great Balancing Act

 

 

        As a singleton, I learned the hard way that you have to learn how to balance things in life.  At times, I would overbook and over commit myself to obligations that would leave me feeling exhausted after attempting to do it all.  I learned that sometimes you just have to say No so that you can devote the proper time and attention to more important things in life. Before I got married, I had come to some sort of balance with my time and attention and was comfortable with it.  However, after Mr. Awesome and I jumped the broom, I found myself needing to relearn the balancing game all over again.

 

         Going from being a singleton to being a wife was a blissful transition.  I was super excited to go from living for one to living for more than one.  However, I did not anticipate the tough road that it would be to transition from living for one to living for two and three instantly.  I easily figured that adjusting to a spouse and child at the same time would be a piece of cake.  Let me tell you that was a big piece of cake.  I suddenly found myself not only trying to be the Proverbs 31 woman who was a wife of noble character, but also the Proverbs 31 woman who was trying to navigate the tricky road of being a non-traditional mother.  Since I felt fairly comfortable with taking on the role of being a wife, I begin to make the mistake of putting much more energy into proving my adequacy of being an instant mother.  I learned quickly that my attempt to perform this type of balancing act was terribly unbalanced and I got a serious wake up call.  Initially, I was putting more energy into keeping up with a schedule that (in my opinion) was too busy for a 13 year old than I was into pouring into my primary ministry outside of God, my marriage.  On top of my personal quests such as my career, personal endeavors, and being a homemaker, I felt like a fast spinning wheel that had come off its axle.  I began to look at other wives and mothers who "appeared" to have everything under control and wonder why was I always so tired and in need of a nap.

 

      It was during my wake up call that I decided to put things back into the rightful order that they belonged, putting my marriage first after God while everything else followed.  Although things ran more smoothly this way, I wish that I could say I have mastered the new balancing act in my life.  It is something that I continuously pray about, especially now that a new dimension to our family dynamics has further challenged the balance that I was already trying to solidify.  So here I am relearning this new balancing act.  With more prayer, I know that I will get it.

2012 Reflections

     Out with the old and in with the new.  That is what many say when it is time to welcome in the new year.  Although I am a couple of weeks late, I must say that 2012 was a great year.  It was definitely not without its challenges, but I generally enjoyed the year.  As I reflect back on the year, I can think of one word that describes it all and that word is GROWTH.  2012 was a year when I had to put on many new hats that I had never worn before.  Some people get a time to get accustomed to one hat before they put on another, but that was not my case.  Of course as you know, when I got married to Mr. Awesome, not only did I put on the Wife hat, but I put on the hat of instant mom at the same time.  Although stepping into my wife role was blissful, stepping into the other roles at the same time was very challenging and I spent many moments feeling overwhelmed and wondering how I was going to pull it all off.

     As I look back on 2012, I can reflect on the many changes that I experienced, but I am thankful more than anything.  I am thankful for all of the good moments and the grievous moments.  I am thankful for the lessons learned and the moments to laugh at myself for mistakes made.  I am thankful for new friends to come along in life during this time.  I am thankful for the my nuclear and new family that love me.  I am thankful for a better career opportunity over the last year.  I am thankful for health and strength.  I am thankful for SALVATION.  I am thankful for a wonderful husband who laughs with me when I laugh and holds me when I cry.  I am thankful that the good times and challenges have brought us even closer a a couple.  Although 2012 was great, I am glad that it is 2013 and cant wait for what God has in store. :-)